


Ex-Life

by happy1776



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Slash, mcdanno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2017-12-14 04:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/832864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy1776/pseuds/happy1776
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny walks in on something unfortunate and it turns his life upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been around this fandom for a quite a while now and I'm blown away by the amazing writers that I have found. I've had this my idea in my head since forever and I finally had the guts to see where it goes. This is my first fic ever so please be gentle it's unbetaed so all the mistakes are mine but I would love a beta so if someone's interested please let me know. I'm not a huge fan of Catherine's character and although she's not meant to be a likable character here she's not bashed or even made dislikable.

It’s not fair that this happens to him twice. It just isn’t! The first time it happened, the first time his life fell apart his brother was there, his best friend, his rock. Now his rock is on the FBI’s CIA’s and whoever the fuck else’s most wanted listed. So who the hell is supposed to be there this time around?

He takes another swig; straight from the bottle he couldn’t be bothered with a glass. He won’t need one anyway.

At least the first time he was spared the indignity of seeing his wife with another man in their bed. He only heard about it after she walked out on him and left his life in shambles to marry the same man she brought to their bed while they were still married and move with him and their daughter half way across the country. At least he didn’t have to see it. He wasn’t so lucky this time.

It’s a stormy night, the wind howled as rain battered the window in the dead of night. Even though the cracking sound of thunder was everywhere, the silence was deafening. If his head wasn’t spinning and his hands weren’t shaking - be it be from the alcohol or the image ingrained in his head- he would appreciate the symmetry of it all, the poetry. Pathetic fallacy it’s called and pathetic it is. He is. 

He looks out the window and sees the palm trees swaying violently, a constant remainder of how far away he is from home, from the people who’re supposed to have his back, from his family. He takes a deep breath and chocks back his tears because he thought he finally had that here, family. He thought he had Steve.

He’d just gotten used to being divorced, gotten used to Hawaii with its weather and its food and its weirdass language. Gotten used to how different it is from everything he knows even begrudgingly started to like it. He’d just started to heal after Rachel ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped all over it. Just when he’d gotten his feet back underneath him, the universe says ‘Screw you Danny’ and bitch slaps him.

He remembers the drive to Steve’s house, remembers stopping for some groceries and a bottle of red wine that cost more than an arm and a leg. The bottle of wine that’s currently staining Steve’s carpet, a pool of blood red on the perfectly white carpet. The carpet that he picked out when he insisted they redecorated because they couldn’t keep living in the ghost of Steve’s dad, it wasn’t living, it wasn’t getting them anywhere. If only he knew why they weren’t getting anywhere he wouldn’t have bothered with the carpet.

He remembers parking his car, picking up and groceries and heading in the direction of the house. He was going to cook Steve a nice, romantic appreciation dinner and maybe take him up to bed afterwards. He knows he’s not the easiest person to be in a relationship with, he’s abrasive, loud, annoying and he comes on way too strong. He knows that, he does. So he figured he’d make it up to Steve in little gestures like that knowing what a romantic his goof of a boyfriend secretly was. Ex-boyfriend now. 

He steps into the house and looks around, something’s different yet nothing is but still, something is different. He stands there for a while and he just knows. There are moments like these, life-defining moments when he just knows what’s going to happen next. He takes the groceries to the kitchen and opens the bottle of wine. 

He pours himself a glass and goes upstairs feeling oddly numb as he walks down the hall and prepares himself for what he’s going to see when he walks into his bedroom. He steps into a jacket; he recognizes it immediately it’s a military jacket. Navy. He can see a name, Rollins sewed on in block letters. He keeps walking until he reaches the bedroom door. He can hear two voices talking in urgent hushed tones, two people shuffling and moving around. Someone’s trying to cover up their dirty little secret. Secret’s out. He takes a deep breath, wraps his hands around the knob and turns it.

Even though he knows what’s behind the closed door, even though he’s prepared for it, it still feels like a punch to the gut when the door opens to reveal Steve, his Steve half naked fumbling with his pants. He looks up when the door opens straight at Danny his eyes sad, regret painting his features but Danny can’t bring himself to care because Steve is flushed; red painting his cheeks all the way down his neck, his pupils are blown wide darkening his irises and his hair is ruffled in all too familiar way. 

He turns his head to see a flustered Catherine pulling her top over her head, desperately avoiding his eyes. She reaches the door with her eyes on the floor and tries to walk past him but he turns and walks. He picks up the jacket he stepped in -merely seconds ago but still feel like hours- turns around again and hands it to her. He stares at her but she still won’t raise her eyes from the floor, she tries to walk away but he blocks her path. He doesn’t know why he so desperately wants her to meet his eyes in the end he just turns around and walks down the hall and the stairs. 

He’s standing in the living room staring out the window when he realizes he’s still holding his glass of wine. He takes a sip it’s good wine, really good. He hears hurried footsteps behind him but he doesn’t turn around 

“I’m so sorry Danny.” Catherine says, her voice soft. She actually does sound sorry but Danny doesn’t care and he doesn’t acknowledge her. He hears her shut the door softly behind her.  
He hears the familiar sound of Steve’s bare feet as he makes his way down the stairs. He hovers, keeping his distance from Danny. Danny’s acutely aware that he’s not reacting the way he should, he’s pretty sure he’s supposed to be yelling and screaming and smashing things instead of just standing there and calmly sipping wine. Danny’s knows he has to say something sooner or later he just prefers it be later.

“Danny.” Steve says his voice thick and if Danny didn’t know better he would say he sounds like he’s about to cry. He takes another sip from his glass and ignores him. 

Apparently Steve doesn’t want to be ignored, “Danny, please say something.” He pleads.  
“  
This is really good wine.” Danny replies without turning around, he’s surprised at how flat his voice sounds to his own ears because this isn’t who he is. “You want a glass? I did buy it for you you know.” 

“Danno.”

The moment Steve opens his mouth to say that it’s like all hell breaks loose because he has no right to call Danny that anymore. He has no right to sound so pitiful and ask for sympathy or forgiveness or anything else. He just doesn’t. Danny glass falls from his hand and lands on the plush white carpet, wine splashes everywhere. Turns out Steve was right white is a stupid color for a carpet. Danny turns around and stalks to where Steve is standing. He gets in his face and he wants to scream and scream at him but instead he draws his open palm back and lands a stinging slap on Steve’s cheek.

Steve staggers backwards and Danny can’t be sure if it’s because of the impact or the shock. His hand darts to his cheek -where a reddened imprint of Danny’s now resides- and he clutches it like he’d been shot. Tear tracks run down his cheeks, emotion swirling in his big blue-grey eyes. Emotion doesn’t care to discern right now no matter how sincere. 

So he walks away because there’s nothing else to be said or done here.

“Danny, please.”

He ignores that.

“Please.” Is the last thing he hears Steve whisper before he’s out the door. 

The buzzing of his cell phone brings him back to the present and he looks at his cell phone to see Steve smiling that wide goofy smile of his. He presses ignore. He knows he has to deal with this. Not tonight though, tonight he’s going to drink himself to a stupor. He can deal with his ex-life later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it now tell me what do you think, shall I carry on or call it quits ? Suggestions, criticism anything you have to say at all is more than welcome :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so encouraged by the reviews I got that I wrote and posted this chapter early. Seriously guys I was squealing like a crazy person, thank you so much.  
> This Steve's point of view which proved more difficult to write than Danny's. The chapter goes a few months back and covers the beginning of their relationship and how the became a couple. Enjoy :)

When Steve McGarrett first met Danny Williams, there was no love at first sight. There were no sparks flying, no deep looks into each other’s eyes, no romantic attraction, none of that pulse racing, breath taking, dizzying excitement crap you read about in cheesy romantic novels. No thunderbolts; Colpo di fulmine as the Italians call it, and who knows better about love and romance than the Italians, so definitely no love at first sight. 

In fact he’s pretty sure what they had was hate at first sight. Steve found the detective irritating and disrespectful, he was used to people falling at his feet, obeying his orders without question or a second’s thought simply because his rank and position demanded it. 

But not Williams, no he questioned, mocked and ranted. He absolutely refused to do what he was told and he had no problem telling Steve exactly how little he thought of him and his military training, using many words and even more hand gestures. 

So naturally Steve did what anyone in his position would do. He called the governor and the forced detective to become his new partner. He told himself that he needed Williams, his father suspected corruption in the HPD, Williams was new here he didn’t have time to form allegiances with anyone. He just needed him to do his job and help him catch his father’s killer. He didn’t need to like him; he was simply an instrument to help him achieve his goal nothing more. 

But what started out with a stand off, a punch to the face and a means to an end soon evolved into a strong partnership, mutual respect and admiration which soon developed into the closest friendship Steve has ever had in his life. He found himself wanting to spend more and more time with the detective outside of work, invited him over whenever he could for a beer, a steak and an offer to watch the game. He always found a way to get involved in Danny and Grace’s plans whom he had grown to love as if she were his own daughter. 

At first he was worried that he was intruding on Danny’s limited time with his daughter. The one time Danny brought it up jokingly, Steve blushed with embarrassment and humiliation. Shaking his head he blurted out a stammered apology. Before he can promise to keep his distance though, Danny’s standing up and yelling at him his hands waving around manically.

“Shut up. Just shut up you military brained idiot.”

Steve opens his mouth to protest but Danny’s having none of it.

“Didn’t I just ask you to respectfully shut up?” Danny asks raising an eyebrow and pointing his index at Steve.

“Actually, I’m not sure you can respectfully ask some one to shut up, in fact I think you just called me a…..” He snaps his mouth shut when he sees Danny glaring at him.

“I’m only going to say this once so you better listen well, okay? I don’t spend time with you out of pity or because I feel like I have to or something. My daughter adores you and I like to spend time with you, if I didn’t want you there I would let you know so stop apologizing and just stop being an idiot Mcgarrett.” Danny stares intently at Steve waiting for him to answer.

“Okay.” He whispers softly. He feels himself smile so wide that it threatens to split his face.

“Okay babe, that’s good, really good.” Danny smiles fondly at him, squeezing the back of Steve’s neck affectionately. 

And that’s when Steve knows, when he misses the warmth of Danny’s hand on his skin, when Danny’s smile makes him smile, when he looks for reasons to make Danny laugh because the sound makes his heart flutter and his stomach do backflips. That’s when Steve knows that Danny’s more than just his partner, more than just his friend. At first Steve used to think of Danny as his brother but now, in his more hopeful moments he thinks of more. He knows he’s in love with Danny.

Of course he can’t say anything about it and risk loosing the best thing that ever happened to him. Why in god’s name would Danny Williams ever be interested in him? Aside from the part where Steve’s pretty sure Danny doesn’t like men altogether, there’s the fact that Danny wears his heart on his sleeve, he cares, sometimes too much, he’s loving, he’s an amazing father and he’s just wonderful. Danny Williams is simply wonderful

And Steve is just…. Steve. He’s scared and bitter and he doesn’t know how to be with another person not to mention that he pretty much has the emotional capacity of a hermit crab. So why would that wonderful man be interested in damage goods? Sure Danny’s nice to him and he spends time with him, he likes him he’s his friend and partner but he does the same with Chin and Kono and even Max and Kamekona. It’s nothing special really, what he does for Steve he does for the whole team.

Except for the looks and the smiles and the casual -yet so much more- touches, the ones only he’s privy too. His smile the one that lights up Danny’s entire face and reveals a hundred and one different shades of blue in his eyes. The one that Steve has to look away from sometimes in fear of becoming a stupid cliché and getting completely and utterly lost in those cerulean pools. The one that only he and Grace get to see. 

But still he can’t and won’t say anything. He’ll get whatever Danny is willing to give him and that’ll be enough for him. He won’t ask for more. He won’t risk what he certainly has to what he might possibly get. He needs Danny in his life one way or another even if it’s just as a friend and partner, so Steve will just have to suck it up instead of bombarding Danny with his unwanted feelings and risk running him away. 

The way they finally get together is just so… weird. That’s all Steve has to say really, it was weird and so them that makes Steve’s heart beat a little faster thinking about it now. There was no grand declaration of love, no great confession

They’re out with the team, Max and Kamekona celebrating finally solving a case that has been running them ragged for the past week. Danny has had more than his fair share of alcohol and he’s uncharacteristically loose, joking and laughing loudly. Naturally Steve’s watching him like a hawk, because his partner’s drunk, okay and he needs to watch his back and step in if he needs any help. 

He’s in the middle of watching Danny at the bar because it was his turn to buy the next round of drinks, some guy in a green shirt approaches Danny and Steve’s deliberating whether to intervene or not when a touch to his arm interrupts his thoughts.

“He’s fine boss, you can stand down now.” Kono says playfully winking at him.

He scowls at her and turns back to watch Danny and Green shirt. Danny’s moved closer now, Green shirt says something and Danny throws his head back and laughs. Steve feels his blood boil as Danny leans in closer and touches the stranger’s arm. Luckily it doesn’t last any longer, as Danny picks up the drinks, struggling not to drop them for a bit before he seems to find his balance and starts walking towards their table. He catches Steve staring; he winks and smiles at him a big happy delighted smile. 

Steve forgets Green shirt and the music and the bar and everything else, his whole world narrows revolving around that smile. Danny hands everyone their respective drink.

“For you.” He turns to Steve offering him his beer with a smile and a bow.

Steve giggles feeing like a schoolgirl whose crush just smiled at her.

“Goof.” Danny mutters slumping into his chair and picking up his tequila shot.

“Steve can I ask you a favor?” Danny whispers.

“Sure Danno anything.” Steve leans in thinking Danny’s request was going to be whispered as well.

Danny being Danny of course does nothing Steve expects him to.

“Will you ask that guy to sleep with me?” Danny asks pointing at Green shirt, loud enough to halt all conversation on their table if Steve might add.

Steve chokes on a mouthful beer. Danny, being the good friend that he is, slaps his back, frowns and asks “You okay partner?” sounding so damn concerned.

“Am I okay?” He asks looking at Danny, then turns to their audience; a Zen looking Chin whose just regarding them calmly, an amused Kono with her martini frozen midway to her mouth which forms a perfectly shaped ‘O’, an unfazed Max happily munching on some peanuts and a wide eyed Kamekona.

“He’s asking me if I’m okay.” He laughs nervously. 

Chin raises an eyebrow, Kono nods her head, Max remains unfazed and Kamekona just keeps staring. 

“So will you do it?” Danny asks like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“Oh I’m sorry you were being serious? You want me to go ask a complete stranger if he’ll screw you?” Steve asks him incredulous.

“I’m horny and drunk and I haven’t had sex in forever okay. I’m desperate and you’re my friend so I just need you to walk up to that fine specimen over there and ask him if he’ll take me home because if I do it and he says no it’ll be humiliating.” Danny explains like he’s trying to get a five year old to understand why two and two make four.

“What’s the big deal anyway?” 

Steve just stares speechless. Number one, there’s no way in hell he’s going to ask anybody to take the man he loves to bed. Number two, even if he wasn’t completely in love with Danny that’s just not something you do. Number three, holly hell Danny Williams’ interested in men. 

“Okay you clearly won’t do this for me, so will anyone else?” He looks around the table but everyone just seemed to stare.

“I’ll do it.” Max finally speaks up.

“WHAT?!” Everyone yells in stereo drawing a few glances to their table.

“The detective is clearly sexually frustrated, as a young healthy adult male he needs to engage in sexual intercourse at least once a week. I’m more than willing to help a friend in need.” Max says in his robotic inflection, making to get up and talk to Green shirt.

Steve had never wanted to bash someone’s head in as much as he does now.

“Thank you buddy. See Steven that’s what a ….”

“Sit down Max.” He growls interrupting Danny.

“Danno’s clearly drunk and doesn’t what he’s talking so I’m going to take him home so he can sleep it off.” Steve says artificially pleasant with a fake smile plastered on his face.

“Drunk? What the hell are you talking about? Drunk he says. I’m from Jersey and I’m part Irish. It takes a hell of a lot more than just some tequila to screw with that mojo.” He gestures to himself proudly.

“You right, it takes a lot of tequila which is what you had.”

He waves goodbye to the rest of the team and herds a very loud protesting Danny towards the exit. 

“Okay, Danno you can have the couch, I’ll get you something to sleep in and uh I’ll see you the morning.” He turns to do just that when a hand on his wrist stops him.  
He looks at Danny whose staring at him with unnaturally bright eyes, like Steve’s a puzzle he’s trying very hard to put together but just can’t seem to be able to.  
Danny pats the spot next to him on the couch indicating that Steve should sit down.

“Steve, why'd you get so upset when I said I was going to sleep with that guy?” Danny asks quietly.

“I didn’t get upset, and didn’t say you were going to sleep with him, you asked me to ask him to sleep with you.” 

“Are you a…. do you uh have a problem with…. Do you have a problem with me sleeping with men?” Danny continues as if Steve has never spoken his voice raspy, barely above a whisper.

“No! Jesus Danny.” He exclaimed pulling away from Danny.

“I don’t have a problem with…. I’m not a homophobe. Do you really think so little of me? Just get some sleep okay. I’ll see you in the morning.” He gets up wanting to put some distance between him and Danny, hurt by what his friend and partner implied. He thought Danny knew him better than that. 

“You know what Danny, I do have a problem with you sleeping with other men.” He says turning sharply on his heel to face Danny again.

He raises a hand to indicate that he wasn’t finished when the blond opens his mouth to speak. 

“And not for the reasons you think. I have a problem with you sleeping with other men and women. I have a problem with you sleeping with anyone else that isn’t me. I was happy setting you up with women and encouraging you to ask Gabby out when I thought you weren’t… you know. I just wanted you to be happy. But now, now maybe you and I can…. maybe I…. we…” He trails off uncertainly unable to finish. 

‘Ball’s in your court now Danno’ he thinks to himself as Danny stares at him seemingly trying to arrange his thoughts or maybe find a way to let down Steve as gently as possibly.  
If he hears a ‘you’re a great guy Steve but I only see us as friends and you’ll find someone eventually’ or a –it’s-not-you-it’s-me-speech he may hit something or scream. Or both. 

Fortunately Danny doesn’t say either, instead he tugs on Steve’s wrist and pats the space next to him on the couch echoing himself from earlier. Steve takes a seat and watches Danny watch him through long lashes and hooded eyes. 

After what feels like a lifetime, the blond apparently has decided on his next course of action. He puts a hand on the back of Steve’s neck and gently pulls his head down.  
Danny brushes his lips against Steve's gently like he’s afraid Steve might break. One hand tangles in the soft tufts of hair curling at the back of the SEAL’s neck, the other lets go of his hand to curl around his jaw, his fingers caressing it.

Steve realizes his never been kissed like that before, never been kissed so lovingly it was always just about sex for his partners never about him.  
Danny kisses him so gently and carefully, like he’s precious; someone to be cherished, loved and it takes Steve by surprise.

The kiss is sweet, just a tug of dry lips against his. Danny tastes like beer and tequila and the unique taste that’s Danny all rolled into one, it’s everything Steve ever wanted and yes please more, too much and not enough at the same time.

He breaks the kiss and gets off the couch likes it on fire. He needs too be as far away from Danny as possible because if the blond keeps kissing him like that he’s going give in and he’s never going to say what he needs to say.

“I can’t Danny, I can’t do this, I can’t be some one nightstand you use to scratch an itch.” He knows that’s not fair because he knows Danny would never do that to him, would never hurt him like that but still he has to say this, has to make sure Danny understands, has to make sure they’re both on the same page.

“If we do this and in the morning you realize it was just some drunken mistake, I don’t think I can…. You have a ton of family back home and Grace and Rachel and Chin and Kono, I only have you. I mean yes I have Chin and Kono too but I also only have you. If you wake up in the morning and change your mind or decide that this is just a one-time thing, I can’t… I only have you and I can’t go back to being alone.” He tries to swallow back his tears, he feels vulnerable and raw, broken open for Danny and the entire world to see.  
Danny gets up and takes a step towards Steve and doesn’t relent when Steve takes a step backwards taking more steps towards him until he close enough he can reach out and touch him.

He cups Steve’s face in both of his hands. “Babe, you are never going to be alone, you’re not some scratch on my bedpost okay. I want more, I want to give you more and I'm not going to change my mind about that not tomorrow morning not ever but if it makes you feel any better I can come to bed with you just to sleep and we can talk about this again in the morning.” 

“When you’re sure I’m not roofied into this or something.” He chuckles softly

“Okay, yeah Danno I’d like that.”

“Okay then, let’s go.” He takes Steve’s hand and leads him up the stairs.

He’s lulled to sleep by the sound of Danny’s beating heart right under his ear. He wakes up curled in Danny’s arms, he opens his eyes to Danny’s blinding smile and a promise of a future shared together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions, criticism anything you have to say at all is more than welcome :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know someone requested a chapter in Catherine's pov and that was already the plan for next chapter. This on the other hand is Kono's pov I personally thought it was interesting to write.

If asked directly, Kono Kalakaua would never tell you she believed in a one true love. She would tell you the same thing she’d been telling people since she was sixteen. Monogamy is a myth, biology dictates that human beings -like all animals- are designed to have as many sexual partners as possible for the continuation of the species blah blah blah.

Marriage’s stupid; it’s just a meaningless piece of paper. Do you really think you can go against biology, your nature and DNA merely because you promised someone you’d love them forever? Why would you even promise that? How can you be sure you’ll be feeling the same way about a person ten years or even ten days down the line? The answer is you can’t and those who try and screw with Mother Nature end up getting screwed right back. Two out every three marriages end up in divorce after all.

That’s of course if asked directly. In any other irrelevant conversation however, she will say things like ‘love is blind’ or give the example of her parents who’d been married for thirty something odd years and still love each other everyday more than the one before. Because deep down she wants to believe that maybe biology’s wrong. That maybe there’s a Prince Charming waiting for her and only her so they can live together happily ever after just like in the fairytales she’d been fed when she was younger. 

She used to look at her cousin and his wife and how she stood by him through everything he’s been through even put up with her and her aggression instead of just telling her the truth and to shove it. She watched them get remarried and happily live their seemingly perfect lives. Chin and Malia were perfect. 

That’s the thing about perfect though it doesn’t exist. Just as her cousin seems to get his life back on track; he’s got a great a job, his family’s respect back and the love of his life you’d think that after everything he’s been through that’d be the end of it. But no how can it be? Just when everything seems to be right again Mother Nature comes back with a vengeance and violently rips Malia away from Chin. 

He just got her back and to Kono that seems like the utmost cruelty. She wonders if it would’ve been easier if Chin and Malia never got back together, if he’d never known happiness with her. Her cousin tells her it wouldn’t have been, that he was glad he and Malia got the time they got together no matter how short it had been and that he will cherish that and carry it with him forever. 

Despite that Kono still secretly hoped that life wasn’t a big of a bitch as she seemed to be. So she looked for inspiration, hope and maybe even little faith elsewhere. She didn’t have to look far though, all she had to do was look down the hall to the office right across from hers to he boss’s and his partner’s offices. 

She watched Steve pine for what he thought he can never have and in turn watched the object of his affection love him so much without even realizing it himself. 

Steve brought Danny coffee and malasadas every morning since that day when he realized that bringing caffeine and fried goods would earn him a smile and a ‘thank you babe, that’s real sweet.’ 

It was sad and screwed up on so many levels but it was also kind of amazing.

One morning after her boss came in with Danny’s daily caffeine and sweet dose she cornered him on his way to the detective’s office.  
“Weren’t you the one that told us that his ex-wife had to crash her car into his to get his attention? The man is a great detective but he’s clearly more dense than most when it comes to the whole ‘wooing’ business.” She said putting air quotes around wooing and completing it with an eye roll. 

“Don’t you think you should maybe try something a little less... subtle?” She gestures to the coffee and pastries he’s holding in his hand.

She expected him to glare at her and ask her what the hell she’s talking about or deny it all claiming that he’s just trying to be a good friend, she even expected him to walk away and ignore her all together.

What she didn’t expect however was for him to shake his head sadly and say, “It’s just coffee Kono.”

“Maybe it can be more.” She shrugs her shoulder and gets out of his way to go back to her office. 

Something changes sometime after that very strange albeit amusing night at the bar. She can’t quite put her finger on it but she can certainly say it’s a good change. Her boss seems lighter somehow, happier. He’s smiling and laughing all the time just because, at the risk of sounding ridiculous dare she even say he’s got a little more pep in his step. Danny’s appears to be a less like of a ball pent up fiery rage and more like a delighted newly wed. Of course he still raved and ranted, he wouldn’t be Danny if he didn’t rant but everyone knew it was out of concern for his ‘lunkhead of a partner.’ 

She discovers the source of this change three weeks later. It was a grueling, difficult case one that seemed to hit Steve a little close to home and she hated to bother him now that it was finally closed but she needed his signature on some of the paperwork.  
Much to her surprise, when she walks into her boss’s office she finds him asleep on his couch with his head pillowed on his partner’s lap. Danny’s carding his fingers through Steve’s hair and rubbing his back soothingly. 

He smiles when he sees her, relaxed and content. He brings his index up to his lips and whispers. “Shshshsh.”

“Were you ever going to tell us?” She asks quietly. 

“I figured we should let you hone those detective skills of yours rookie.” He says just as quietly, mirth in his eyes.

It’s a testament to how tired or how comfortable their boss was that their hushed conversation didn’t wake him instead his only reaction was to shift a little and nuzzle Danny’s thigh. 

They came out to Chin, Max and Kamekona a day later. Well came out was the wrong word, blurted it out was more appropriate she thought.

“I’m sleeping with Danny.” 

After realizing what he said, Steve seemed to find his plate of shrimp quite fascinating.

“Steven.” Danny said exasperated. 

“I mean we’re not just sleeping together we’re together, dating and screwing and everything together. Like marrying him someday together.”

“We could get married someday right Danno?” He turned to his now shell-shocked boyfriend. 

“Yes Steven we can get married someday sure. Why not?” Danny said irritated even though his eyes were fond.

“Do you people ever do anything the normal way?” Chin finally said breaking the silence that has descended upon their table.

She had to agree with her cousin on that one, but then again normal was relative.  
For months to come they seemed to be doing fine, great even some might say herself included. So when she gets a call from Danny in the middle of the night she gives it no second thought and assumes it’s about work. 

“Hey Kono, sorry to call so late but uh I need a place to stay. Do you I mind if I come over?” His voice seemed hollow over the phone, void of emotion. It was so unlike Danny that she’s stunned into silence for a few seconds.

“Uh, Kono you still there?” His voice brings her back to the land of the living.

“Sure am. Trouble in paradise?” She tries to joke hoping against all hope that she wasn’t hearing what she thought she was.

His laugh was flat, a second too late and an octave too loud.

“Yeah, something like that. So can I come over?” 

“Of course you can Danny. Anytime you know that.” She says all joking aside because something is very wrong here. She wonders why doesn’t he just go to his apartment. 

He’s knocking at her door fifteen minutes later and for the second time tonight she’s stunned by what she sees. 

Danny looks like he aged twenty years since the last time she saw him. His eyes are bloodshot and seemingly empty. He’s standing at her doorstep with his shoulders slumped looking so defeated and unlike the loud, confident, and boisterous man she’s used to seeing.

She lets him in and they both sit in silence in the living room for almost and hour. She was determined to give him space and let him talk when he felt like it but she can’t do that anymore, she can’t take this, she needs to know what happened.

“So you gonna tell me what’s wrong?” 

“I sold my apartment.” 

“I know, rookie mistake.” He continues when he sees the surprised look on her face.

“Giving it all up for love, moving into his house. I changed my life to be with him. I went all in. For forever or something. I don’t know.” He says shaking his head giving a humorless laugh.

“Does Steve know that?” 

“Oh yeah he does. He’s the one who convinced me to do it. Kept going on about how I needed to trust him and not hold back.” He gives another one of those laughs. It’s starting to freak Kono out because this isn’t Danny she’s talking to. Who is this and what the hell happened to the Danny she knows?

“Steve cheated on me.” 

That can’t be right it just can’t be. Steve would never do that to Danny, he loves him. Danny’s all he wants she knows that, everybody knows that.

“This has to be a mistake, a misunderstanding. Are you sure? Did you talk to ...”

“Yes I’m sure, there’s no mistake. You wanna know how I’m sure? I’m sure because I walked in on him in bed with Catherine. And no I didn’t talk to him about it because what could he possibly say huh? That he and Catherine tripped and fell into bed and all their clothes came off by accident?” He shouts finally coming alive a little bit before deflating again like a popped balloon as if all the energy has suddenly left him. 

“Look, I’m tired and I don’t want to talk about this anymore do you have some scotch or something?” 

She hates to see him shut down like that but all she can do is be there for him and give him scotch if that’s what he needs.

She hands him the bottle quietly and goes back to her room to give him some space. She checks up on him every hour or so to find him in the same spot she left him in drinking and staring out the window. 

Over the weekend they go clothes shopping because all of Danny's clothes are at Steve's house and he needs something to wear to work. The frozen demeanor recedes and Danny seems to go back to his normal ranting self. Kono's heart breaks for him everytime she catches him staring off into the distance so far away, his eyes so sad. She wants to beat Steve up to a bloody pulp for doing this to her friend. 

Monday comes too soon and it's time to go to work. Danny was contemplating taking the day off until he decided against it claiming that he refuses to hide from this any longer. ‘Face your problems guns blazing and all that’ he’d said.

‘That’s my hoale’ she thinks proudly. 

Easier said than done though. When they get to HQ Danny waves a quick hello to Chin and quickly darts to his office when he spies a glance of a tall dark head walking down the hall.

McGarrett makes a beeline for Danny’s office and that’s just unacceptable. She blocks his path and folds her arms across her chest.

“Back off.” She growls threateningly.

“Kono.” He pleads his voice raspy, his cheekbones seem more defined an indication of weight loss. It accentuates the dark circles under his eyes. He looks like he hasn’t slept in a month. Serves him right the bastard. 

“No. Don’t.” She got no interest in his excuses.

“I love him. I made a mistake, let me talk to him. Please.” He pleads with her again looking her straight in the eye hoping to draw out some sympathy. 

She doesn’t budge though.

“There’re two sides to every story, Kono.”

“Well I’m not interested in your side Steve and neither is he.” She answers coldly. 

“I love him, I will spend the rest of my life apologizing to him if that’s what it takes for him to forgive me. I made a mistake, I screwed up and I’m not trying to make excuses Kono I’m not. I just want a chance to be heard out.” He sounds so earnest saying it, that she almost wavers. 

Almost being the operative word. 

“Some people don’t deserve to be heard out. Some things don’t deserve to be forgiven.” In her moments of clarity and less anger she’ll regret saying that. She’ll regret her harsh words being the cause of the anguish she sees on his face. Right now though she thinks he deserves it. Right now she wishes she could hurt him ten times worse. 

Like she said, life’s a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it now tell me what do you think, shall I carry on or call it quits ? Suggestions, criticism anything you have to say at all is more than welcome :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait I had a bit of trouble with this chapter and some personal issues I had to deal with. This chapter is from Catherine's point of view whom I had a lot of trouble writing and still am unsure about. On a completely irrelevant note, what's up with this story line the show's taking? I've just finished season 3 a few days ago and can i just say that this Doris story line is just awful and it's too late to fix now. What happened to all the Mcdanno and team moments it seems that steve have forgotten about about the people who care about him and just fell back into his excuse of a mother's arms and I have no idea where they're going with the Kono thing but I hope she comes back to the team soon and doesn't get replaced by Catherine or something because that would just suck not to mention that Catherine isn't working as a main character for me at all. Okay enough with the ranting and let's get to the story.

If one were to try and list the positive attributes of Lieutenant Catherine Rollins they wouldn’t have to try very hard. She’s smart, beautiful, charismatic, strong, confident and she doesn’t take crap from anyone. She knows all that, she wouldn’t call her self arrogant just self assured.

She always thought she was good at self-evaluation so if she’s going to list her positives then she should also list her negatives. She’s judgmental, aggressive, uncompromising and at times could be incredibly manipulative. But she’s never been one to dwell on negatives. She supposes she’s one of those people who just prefer to list good things on their CV. That was all before last week. Before she had to add cheating home wrecker to her list.

When Steve asked her out to dinner a few months ago, she’d readily agreed. She donned a short, tight, black dress, a pair of six inch fuck me heels and forgone panties completely. They’d never made it to dinner anyways and it seemed that that’s the way Steve liked it. She could deal with that, she knew her relationship with Steve was special, she didn’t need him to tell her every five seconds. 

Much to her surprise they did actually make it to dinner and didn’t make it anywhere else after. 

It turns out that Steve asked her out to break up with her. More like tell her he couldn’t sleep with her anymore like he was breaking off a friends with benefits arrangement not ending the longest relationship both them have ever been in. And there she thought she was special. She listened half heartedly to Steve tell her a story about Danny and some guy he called Green shirt and how he finally came out to his partner about his feelings and how they were going to live together happily ever after. Not the words he used but that was what she extrapolated from the love struck expression, the mushy words and the soft fond eyes. The way he never talked about her. 

She has always prided herself on not being one of those women who pined and chased after men who didn’t want them. So instead of smacking the man and throwing her drink in his face like she wanted to, she congratulated him and given him advice about where to take Danny out when he asked her and agreed to go out with him and the team this weekend. 

She finished her meal, even had desert and insisted on splitting the check with him after having listened to him for the past hour or so go on and on about him and Danny with a smile plastered on her face. 

All in all she thought that was pretty civilized of her. In fact she thought she deserved a medal for how well she handled that night, it was truly an achievement. Because despite the smile and the whole –yes-we’re-on-the-same-page-and-I-wish-you-luck-in-all-your-future-endeavours-thing, the man she loved and had thought loved her back broke up with her over dinner and didn’t even have the decency not to talk to her about her replacement one second later. Except Danny’s not her replacement, Steve’s in love with Danny while she on the other hand was just a sex toy to him. 

In the months to come she will find out that Steve does like going to dinner and celebrating anniversaries and doing more on Valentines Day than buying a cheap box of chocolates and sharing his home with another person and taking pictures goofy with his significant other and another million things, he just didn’t like doing them with her. Things that she always wanted to do with him. Still does much to her chagrin. 

She told herself that it won’t be like this forever, that she’ll get over Steve McGarrett and she’ll find someone who deserves her, who’ll treat her right. Yet every time he calls asking for one of his usual favors or even advice on his relationship with Danny, she complies be it with classified information or a name of a restaurant or even going so far as helping him pick out gifts for Danny. 

She doesn’t know why she doesn’t just hang up or ask him to stop calling her. She should, she wants to but it seems that’s her story with McGarrett; doing things she doesn’t want to do for reasons she can’t bring herself to contemplate right now. 

Steve had called her that night saying Danny had to meet with Rachel to discuss some sort of parent-teacher meeting and Chin and Kono had to be at a family reunion. He wanted to meet up with her, ‘go out make a night out of it like old times’ he’d said claiming he missed her and needed a ‘friend’ to talk to. His voice seemed off, she couldn’t quite tell why or how, he just sounded… sad.

Knowing full well she should decline, she still accepted his invitation. They don’t go out in the end, they stay on the lanai with a cooler of Longboards by their feet instead.  
Steve goes on and on about Danny and how something isn’t right. Danny’s different he says, colder. He doesn’t want to spend as much time with Steve anymore and Steve can’t figure out what’s bothering Danny. 

She tries to reassure him which is difficult since he won’t even let her speak, asking a question only to answer it himself with some worse case scenario he conjured in that twisted head of his. 

He tells her about the sex, that it’s still life altering and that’s just too much. She doesn’t want to hear about that and just when she’s about to tell him when he says something that floors her. He says most of the time Danny doesn’t want to take their time anymore. He doesn’t want to do it in a bed or be romantic about it.  
Of course he always apologizes to Steve when it gets too much. Makes it up to him with soft kisses and a romantic home cooked meal, reassuring Steve that he loves him very much and doesn’t mean to hurt him. 

She’s had quite a bit to drink to get through this night with her sanity intact and at this point she’s just blinded with rage. Steve McGarrett was worried his boyfriend doesn’t care anymore because he doesn’t romance him enough. Apparently he sometimes feels used and insignificant in his relationship, replaceable. Sucks doesn’t it. 

She wants to tell him that’s exactly how he made her feel, wants to laugh in his face and tell him about karma and what goes around comes around. But really, what she wants to say is that if he was interested in romance why the hell didn’t he tell? Why didn’t he do it with her?

Later she will remember putting down he freshly opened beer. She’ll remember leaning across the table between them until she close enough she can his feel breath. She’ll remember the entire night and feel sick to her stomach. Literally. She became that woman, the woman she hates, the woman who does this to another person.

“Kiss me.” She’ll say.

“Catherine.”

“Kiss me.” She’ll say again, more assertive this time.

“We’re drunk.” 

“Kiss me anyway.”

“I’m with Danny.” He’ll remind her, his voice thick as he regards her with cautious guarded eyes.

“Kiss me anyway.” 

She’ll remember kissing him instead because she somehow knows deep down he’s never going to be the one to do it. She’ll remember him being unresponsive at first but then he’ll start to  
kiss her back. 

When she gets their clothes off and gets them into bed she’ll remember feeling his hesitation at the back of her mind but not really caring about it. When she gets her hands on him she’ll remember feeling him almost jerk away but never quite doing it and never stopping her. 

He never objected except when she goes back to that night she’ll know he never acquiesced either. It’s like he was numb knowing he should stop this but never doing it, like his body wasn’t co-operating with his mind. 

That’s until he hears the engine of the Camaro. 

“What have I done? What have I done?” He keeps repeating over and over again as he shoots out of bed in search for his clothes.

She moves slowly though and he turns around while wrestling with his pants trying to get them on.

“Danny’s back. Get up, get dressed. What’s wrong with you?” He demands his voice frantic and his eyes wide. 

“Steve…” She tries because at the time she still stupidly thought it meant something more.

“Catherine please get up and get dressed he can’t see this, please.” He hands her clothes and goes back to his mantra of ‘what have I done.’

There’s no point in hurrying, in trying to cover it up. Danny will come in and see it any moment now. Even if they could manage to get dressed, get out of the bedroom and back to the lanai Danny will still see them and he’ll know, anyone with eyes would. 

She’s in the middle of pulling her top over her head when the door opens. She takes one look at Danny standing there with a glass of wine in his hand, his blue eyes uncharacteristically icy cold and she understands that Steve wasn’t just trying futilely to cover up his secret he was also trying to spare the man he loves the pain of seeing them like this. 

She suddenly feels embarrassed and remorseful. Danny turns around and she follows him. She needs to get the hell out of this house now. He hands her jacket calmly. Why’s he so calm? It’s scary, worse than any yelling or screaming or name-calling. 

She thinks that that’s the last she’ll hear from Steve. It’s not though. He calls her a day later, she immediately gears up for a fight when she sees his name on her caller I.D. He doesn’t yell or blame her surprisingly, he just talks quietly his voice subdued. She hears his sniffles and the tears in his voice no matter how hard he tries to hide them. She wonders not for the first time since their break up why is he calling her. 

He calls again and again and talks to her about how he cheated on Danny like she wasn’t the person who helped him do it. What’s wrong with him? He tells her about how Danny won’t talk to him outside of work, that he’s professional and courteous and says as little as possible, he’ll just walk away when Steve starts talking about anything personal, if they’re in the car he’ll ignore Steve which he’s gotten surprisingly good at. He tells her about how Chin’s trying not to pick sides but Kono won’t even look at him let alone speak to him.

She’s had just about enough and is about to open his mouth to tell him to just leave her hell alone when he tells her he’s lonely in a small soft voice. He tells her his family’s falling apart. He tells her that Danny won’t let him see Grace, that he begged and begged Danny to let him at least have his weekend or at least an hour with her but Danny simply ignores him. 

Her heart breaks for him because no matter what he did she will always love him even if she stops being in love with him. She resigns herself to the fact that she will never escape Steve, she’ll always be there for him no matter what and she finds herself praying that he can fix this thing with Danny because she finally realizes that they can never be happy together, never could have been. He deserves to be happy, they both do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions, criticism anything you have to say at all is more than welcome :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry for the delay, I hope the fact that this chapter is a little longer than the others will make up for that. :)

Danny Williams is a good man. He has very strong beliefs and he has no problem sharing those thoughts with those who care and those who don’t. He doesn’t care for diplomacy or sugar coating, to him they’re just hindrances, a coward man’s ways, he thinks what he says and does what he thinks. 

Despite what may seem he isn’t prone to hysterics, he will yell and exaggerate everything and anything but that’s just his coping mechanism when things need to be done -boring but necessary things- he will do them, while Steve’s running around playing idealistic hero he’s the one who will make sure that the bad guys they catch actually end up going to jail. He’s the good man in the storm, the one who doesn’t waver when things get tough, he may not be a Navy SEAL but he’s someone you want on your side in a fight. 

Max appears to be under the impression that Danny’s Rick to Steve’s Magnum but that’s not true. Danny isn’t Steve’s ‘humors sidekick’ as the M.E had graciously put it, Steve’s not in charge of him, he’s not indecisive he just lets Steve think he is, he’s just as demanding and as confident in his abilities as Steve is he just knows that Steve likes to lead, feels more comfortable when he’s in control so lets him think he is. In reality though Danny’s the one puling the strings, he’s leading from behind the curtains, his partner only gets away with exactly what Danny wants him to get away with. 

He doesn’t blame Max for thinking what he does though, he’s happy letting Steve be the badass Navy SEAL who thinks he does things better than everyone else. He doesn’t want credit and he certainly doesn’t care if he’s the cause of a bad case of hero worship. He’ll let Steve proudly go on about his Navy SEAL heritage and let him ignore advice he gives just for show, he’ll let him think that he’s unpredictable and wild while the truth is Danny can read Steve like an open book, knows exactly what Steve’s thinking and what he’s going to do before Steve himself does. He knows Steve and he knows exactly how to control him. It’s why their partnership works, its’ why all their cases hold up in court, it’s why Steve isn’t in jail or worse dead. 

The only time he can honestly say he was thrown by Steve was when he babbled something about them being more than they are. He definitely didn’t see that one coming, maybe he should have but then again he was always quite untalented in reading these things. When Steve said whatever he said (it didn’t really make sense at the time) Danny found himself dazed by what he feels for Steve, what he always felt.

Kissing him felt more right than anything he’s ever done, reassuring and holding him while he slept felt perfect. He and Steve fit like two puzzle pieces designed to come together eventually to form a picture. 

All that poetry was easy to wax under the cover of the night, in the morning though Danny woke up with a raging headache and a boatload of doubt. This was Steve he was talking about here, he has an entire airport of baggage and issues that even Freud wouldn’t dare touch; a relationship with him would be difficult if not impossible. Danny cares deeply for the man he truly does and he trusts him with his life and his daughter’s life, he’s just not sure he can trust him with anything else. 

All that falls away though when he feels the dark head on his chest shift and Steve turns sleepy grey eyes on him. He looks hopeful, unsure and even a little scared. He silently berates himself for being so stupid, of course he trusts Steve with his everything. Steve loves him and Danny hasn’t felt that way about anyone before not even Rachel, so nothing else matters they love each other and they’ll make it work. 

Steve keeps watching Danny avidly; he seems to be getting more nervous by the second. Danny feels the corners mouth tug into a bright smile and he knows he’s done the right thing when Steve relaxes in his arm and rewards him with a sunny smile. 

One would think that finding his partner in bed with someone else would also throw him for a loop but Danny knew what he would find when he walked into that house, not a minute before though. So he supposes Steve did indeed shock him twice. 

Their first night was amazing, but then again the first night almost always is. The thing is though the morning after that was just as spectacular and so was the night after and every other night from then on. So it makes Danny wonder why the hell was Steve so keen on jumping into bed with someone else.

Of course if he would let Steve explain himself as he had begged more than once then maybe he would know or at least have some sort of explanation but he just can’t do that. The thought of actually letting Steve talk and try to make excuses makes Danny so angry that he has to start counting and breathing deeply through his nose like his therapist taught him. 

There are no excuses, what Steve did was Steve’s own damn fault it wasn’t because anything Danny did and it certainly wasn’t because the sex wasn’t good enough for Steve. Whatever Steve’s reasons are they are of no concern to Danny, he doesn’t want to hear them and he doesn’t care about them. He’s done with Steve McGarrett for good, well at least personally he is, The SEAL has been downgraded to acquaintance and Danny’s moving on. 

He and Kono had packed his and Grace’s stuff from Steve’s house while he was at a meeting with the governor and moved them into the new apartment Danny had recently rented. They had made sure to leave nothing behind, no pictures, toothbrushes, stuffed animals, nothing. Not even the junk food that only Danny eats. It’s like Steve never existed in Danny’s life past the door of Five-0 headquarters, if that’s the case then why is there a Steve shaped hole in his life?

“You took all my pictures.” Steve had accused the next morning, his voice angry and his eyes bright with something akin to tears.

Danny had always been a firm believer in doing what made you happy, well less miserable anyways and he found that ignoring Steve lessened his misery so he chose to do that. Not very  
mature he will admit and not a long-term solution either but it’s working for him now, he’ll deal with long when he absolutely must. 

“What about the drawing on the refrigerator? Grace made that for me.” He said to Danny’s back.

Even Kono had seemed a little dismayed and unsure when he asked her to take it but she did what he asked with no comment. She’s been so good to him and he’s so incredibly grateful for her that every time he tries to tell her as much he can’t find the words to express his feelings. 

He’s been meaning to tell her though that she shouldn’t alienate Steve the way she has been, she’s his friend too more than just a friend really and Danny doesn’t want to be the reason that breaks up their ohana. He never got around to saying that either, because he’s secretly pleased at the way Kono had been treating Steve ever since she found out, he feels awful about feeling  
that way but he just can’t help it. 

Anyway he’ll get around to telling her that just like he’ll get around to finding a better way of dealing with Steve.

Grace has been asking about her Uncle Steve a lot recently, why hasn’t he been around? Why aren’t they staying at his house? Did he and Danno have a fight? Is he mad at her? Danny has been avoiding and evading her questions about Uncle Steve as much as he could. He didn’t want involve her in the details of his separation from Steve much like he’d been trying to shelter her during his divorce from Rachel. 

He knew it wasn’t fair to just cut Grace and Steve from each other’s lives like that, he just can’t hang out with the two of them and pretend that everything’s okay, pretend that Steve is still good enough to be in his daughter’s life not even for her and it breaks his heart whenever Grace tries to ambush him with a question about Uncle Steve and how sad her eyes get when he gives her another non specific answer.

Of course Grace isn’t the only one whose been trying to ambush him.

“I was supposed to take Grace to the aquarium this weekend.” Steve said to Danny in the car thinking that he could force Danny into having a conversation with him if he can’t walk away, he’s so very mistaken.

“My parents used to take me, I said I’d show her my favorite things. You were going to come too.” He tried again his voice notably softer. What was he trying to do? Manipulate Danny by bringing up that sad family history of his? It shocked Danny that he would actually think that and he’s glad he didn’t say it because he’s pretty sure he would’ve never forgiven himself no matter how angry he is at Steve.

“Danny you can’t just do that. You can’t just erase me from her life like that. Doesn’t she ask about me? What did you tell her Danny? Does she still want to see me? What did you tell her about me Danny?” The confrontational tone was back again.

“Please just let me see her. We had plans this weekend, she’ll be so disappointed Danny.” His voice was getting thick with emotion and tears he was obviously trying to hold back.

He opens his mouth to speak again when he gets no response.

“Grace and I have plans with for this weekend and last I checked she is mine and Rachel’s daughter not yours and I don’t need to listen to you about what I can and can’t do with regards to her.” Danny spoke over him tersely, it seemed to have stung Steve into silence.

“You have plans? With someone else? Is Gabby….”

“This is a place of business McGarrett, you have no right to question me about my personal life here or anywhere else for that matter.” 

“Danny, I became a part of that little girl’s life and she became a part of mine, I love her even if she’s not biologically mine, I feel… I… she’s my family Danny.” He confessed 

“I already told you McGarrett, this is a place of business and if you won’t conduct yourself in a more professional manner I’m going to have to ask to work with someone else.” He said seemingly unaffected by Steve’s words. 

That seemed to do it because Steve had stayed quiet for the rest of the drive. 

If he was able to avoid a worried nine year old and an upset Navy SEAL’s questions he certainly wasn’t able to avoid a determined Englishwoman’s. 

“Danny, you’re upsetting your daughter.” Rachel had said to him over the phone that night, her voice lacking the judgmental tone he expected to hear.

“I’m doing the best that I can in a very bad situation Rachel.” He’d said back with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose to stave off the headache he can feel blooming.

“Of course you are Daniel I’m not doubting that, I just wish you would talk to me maybe I can help. Did you and the Commander have a fight?” She said, her accent comforting him for some unknown reason. 

“I… it’s a bit more serious than a fight Rach.” He replied resigning to the fact that she’ll have to find out sooner or later no matter how much he wants to keep his business to himself. 

“I thought as much, you wouldn’t keep him away from Grace over a simple disagreement.”

“Why’d cheat on me?” He found himself surprised to ask her the question he’d been wanting to ask Steve since that night. He’d thought he’d made peace with the way his and Rachel’s marriage ended even though he never found out why. Apparently he was mistaken.

“Daniel, why are you bringing this up now? It’s been…”

“It seems that I’m doomed to a string of unfaithful partners is all Rachel.” He interrupts.

“I’m sorry Daniel.” She says after a long uncomfortable silence sounding sincere. 

“Not just about you and Commander McGarrett.” She adds in a quiet voice. 

“Thank you.” He replies thinking that’s the first time she apologized to him for what happened. 

“You’re changeable Danny.”

He’s just about to ask what she means when she continues. “You’d yell and then you’d go silent with no warning, it almost used to feel like you stopped caring all of sudden. I knew it wasn’t true of course but part of me always wondered if it maybe was. You used to make me feel like the queen of the world and then you would withdraw, become cold just like that. You would always realize what you were doing and apologize and make it up to me but sometimes it wasn’t always enough. I was always worried that I would loose you not just to your job but maybe because you’d fallen out of love with me. I was scared and I made a mistake, one that I regret till this day. Believe me Danny I’m not making excuses for myself or for the Commander but for someone who has known what being loved by you felt like, I can understand how frightening it is to feel like you’ve lost that.” 

“I’ll talk to Grace about it, don’t worry I won’t tell her any details that’s your story to tell but bare in mind that this story has two sides. That man loves you Danny this may not be my place but I think you should hear him out. Have good night.” She hung up.

‘Two sides to every story’ he’s pretty sure he’s heard that before. Was that what he did with Steve? Did he really make him feel like he’d lost interest? Was he just scared of loosing Danny and turned to Catherine because she was safe? It was plausible wasn’t it? 

Danny’s easily affected by his surroundings. He gets preoccupied with cases and it stays with him a long time, his work is more to him than just a job, he feels for every victim and he can’t turn it off when he gets home. He’s moody, he could read a piece of disturbing news in the newspaper or get an upsetting phone call from home and whatever he feels about something as trivial as the first or as serious as the second usually rules him for the rest of the day maybe even week. 

It had taken years to take its toll on Rachel maybe it only took months to affect Steve because despite the tough as nails Navy SEAL persona, Steve’s emotions are very frail. He seemed to always be in need for constant warmth and affection and sometimes Danny just wasn’t in the mood to give it to him.  
“Danny. Danny wake up.” Steve had whispered shaking him one night in an effort to get his attention.

"What? What is it Steve? You alright?” He’d replied groggily having just woken up but already worried for his partner.

“Oh no, I’m fine. Sorry, didn’t mean to worry you.”

If Danny had been paying more attention that night -which he wasn’t- he would’ve realized that Steve seemed off. He was restless and he didn’t get one wink of sleep since they got into bed. His eyes didn’t focus on one particular thing as they roamed around the room nervously.

“I don’t know… I just uh… will you um… will you tell you love me.”

“What?!” Danny asked after seemingly waiting for half an hour for Steve to string a useful sentence.

Steve’s silence was only successful in raising Danny’s hackles as felt himself become more irritable due to lack of sleep.

“You woke me up in the middle of the night for this? Are you five?” 

Steve flinched and his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “What Danny? What’s the big deal? I don’t think I’m asking for much. Unless…” He trailed off chewing on his lower lip nervously.

“Oh for fuck’s sake. I love you Steve. You happy? Now please for god’s sake go to sleep.” He snapped, really snapped not like the playful arguments he and Steve usually had. He turned his back to Steve and tried to get back to sleep.

“Okay.” Steve whispered back his voice a little shaky.

The next morning Danny felt like crap he only had to turn his back to his partner to realize why. He pushed himself on his elbows and wrapped one hand around Steve’s shoulder.

“Hey.” He said softly.

“Hey.” The brunette replied hesitantly turning to lie on his back facing Danny.

“I’m sorry Steve for snapping at you like that. I was just tired and I took it out on you, I shouldn’t have.” He apologized softly.

“I really do love you know.” He added when he got no response, deciding to tell Steve what he wanted to hear last night the way he deserved.

“No it’s okay, Danno. I don’t know why I woke you, I just couldn’t sleep and….”

“Steve, were you having nightmares?” He interrupted feeling like shit, his partner had needed support and he just yelled at him.

“No, No Danno nothing like that I swear. I just couldn’t sleep.” Steve hurried to assure him.

“Okay.” Danny replied climbing over Steve and straddling his thighs. He then proceeded to ‘tell’ his partner just how much he loved him, making sure to take his time to ensure Steve really understood and if the SEAL’s soft pleased moans were anything to go by it was finally starting to sink in. 

 

He was in the middle of contemplating his failures as a romantic partner -and possibly letting Steve tell his side of the story without throwing an ashtray at him- when he notices someone in a dark military uniform walking curtly in the direction of Steve’s office. He wants to explode like a time bomb that has no hope of ever being stopped, he wants to shout until his throat runs dry but mostly he just wants to cry. He wants to cry like he’s never cried before, like he doesn’t know how to do anything else. 

He can feel Kono’s worried eyes on him through the glass of his office, which reminds him where he is so he does none of those things. Instead he takes a deep breath and starts counting like his therapist taught him.

One.

Catherine walks into Steve’s office and Steve gets up to greet her, he leans in to give her a quick hug but then thinks better of it and instead gestures for her to take a seat.

Two. 

Steve sits across from her and takes a moment to arrange his thoughts when he’s ready to speak he reaches out and takes her hand in both of his.

Three. 

When Steve’s finally done talking Catherine uses her free hand to brush her tears and then gets up and Steve follows suit. She hugs him for a few moments whispering something in his ear before she lets him go.

Four.

She leaves his office and deliberately keeps her eyes straight ahead when she walks past Danny’s office. 

How dare she come here? Wasn’t it enough for her to humiliate him by getting into bed with his partner now she comes here and humiliates him where he works?  
He gives up on counting and storms into Steve’s office.

“If you wanted to be with someone else why didn’t you just break up with me?” He demands angry and desperate for answers.

“Danny, please it’s not what you think. I was ending it…” Steve pleaded.

“Ending it?! You should’ve never started in the first place.” He bellows not caring that the entire office can probably hear him because this wasn’t the one night stand he thought it was Steve was having an affair for god knows how long while they were together.

“No, that’s not what I meant…”

“Of course it’s not what you meant, what was I thinking trying to get a straight answer from you? You’re all about magic tricks and secrets aren’t you?” 

“Hey guys, we’ve got a case.” Chin interrupts whatever Steve was about to say looking ten shades of awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions, criticism anything you have to say at all is more than welcome :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance if the case here doesn't make sense or isn't plausible, I completely and utterly suck at writing case fics and usually avoid writing them at all costs but it was necessary plot wise. I know nothing about police procedurals or criminals and their twisted minds but i tried my best and please feel free to point out any inconsistencies.  
> Enjoy

The case was unsolvable. Evidence contradicted itself, leads dried up, witnesses told controverting stories, and suspects, well they were never short of suspects which is good and not so good because said suspects had airtight alibies and no intention or knowledge but to lead them on a wild indiscernible goose chase. They felt like they were drowning in a math equation, one that they didn’t even know all the terms to. 

Normally Danny dreaded cases like these, they meant not going home for days, missing weekends with Grace, living on bad coffee and stale fried pastries and recently-since he was shanghaied into Steve McGarrett’s merry little band of superheroes-explosions too close to his person than he’s comfortable with. 

This time though, he welcomed the distraction from the disasters-yes plural-that has become his life. So he focused on interrogating suspects, interviewing witnesses, analyzing data and just doing what he does best; being a cop. He in turn ignored the weight of Steve’s eyes on him, the pleading looks he keeps shooting Kono, his own icy professional demeanor, Chin’s failed attempts at being Switzerland and the general feel of disconnection and hostility whenever the four of them were together in the same room. 

They were called to investigate the murder of a young woman found shot in the back of her car trunk. The woman-Christine Torrez- turned out to be a federal informant whom they were immediately able to link the city’s most nefarious drug kingpin Riccardo Bishop. 

They suspect him immediately of course and after hours of jumping hoops with his a thousand bucks an hour lawyers, all they get from Bishop is that he’s never even met Christine let alone knew she was a federal informant. With no evidence against him and nothing to charge him with they were forced to let him go. 

On their way out of the interrogation room Chin’s cellphone rings.

“It’s Max.” He tells Steve.

“Give me some good new Max.” He answers in lieu of a greeting.

“Are you sure?” He asks after listening to Max.

He waits another few beats, Steve eyeing him curiously but trying not to be annoying by asking him what’s going on. Chin’s the only one talking to him not yelling or snarking at him and even he’s been a little short tempered due to exhaustion and lack of sleep so Steve keeps his mouth shut not wanting to get yelled at again today and trying to stay on Chin’s good side. 

“That’s excellent news, thanks Max.”

“Max says he found skin cells underneath Torrez’s fingernails.”

“Great, let’s get Bishop back in here he couldn’t have gotten far.” Steve said getting excited at the prospect of finally putting this case to bed so he can maybe try to talk to Danny. 

“It’s not Bishop’s DNA. Max said he ran it and it matched Dylan Young one of Bishop’s Lieutenants.” 

Steve takes a minute to be surprised, they were all sure it was Bishop who killed their victim. He quickly gets over it though since Young being the murderer was also a plausible theory. 

“Danny and I will go pick him up.” He says quickly before Chin can suggest anything else. 

Danny who even threw the Camaro keys at Steve thankfully didn’t reject the suggestion.

Steve figured maybe this was a peace offering and maybe if he tried to talk to Danny on their way he wouldn’t be shut down. 

Danny got in the passenger seat and pulled out his cellphone and started typing.

“Danny, I…” 

“Be quiet McGarrett, these emails are difficult enough to type on this screen without you babbling in my ear.” He said, no anger or any emotion really behind the words.  


Steve feels the small flame of hope quench at Danny’s words, the blonde wasn’t offering him anything he just wanted to work. He doesn’t say anymore not thinking he can take any more mockery or biting remarks today. 

Danny’ formerly playful jibes have turned into hurtful insults and Kono’s cynicism and ridicule were no more joking, instead her comments were cold and cruel successfully cutting and wounding him. 

He was taking whatever they dished at him stoically and silently, letting Danny vent and not really having anything to say to Kono. Chin had obviously noticed his distress and Steve overheard him asking Kono to ‘cool it. He had left before she had a chance to answer not wanting to know what she had to say. 

Chin probably meant well but Steve figured he deserved what he was getting from her anyway. It hurt that she didn’t see that he was hurting too and that she was adding to all that pain. Or maybe she did and she just didn’t care. Maybe he didn’t deserve to be cared for, he did push away the one person who ever cared about him since he was sixteen. Recent events in his life have shown him that maybe he wasn’t even cared about before then. 

Danny’s voice pointing out that they’ve arrived pulls him out of his pity party and he shakes his head to clear his thoughts.

When Young sees them he doesn’t run which is a shame since Steve was really looking forward to hitting something. 

The guy of course denies everything, can’t they just admit to it for once and save everyone a whole lot of trouble? 

Steve was in the middle of coming up with what Danny usually referred to as his ‘questionable tactics’ when he heard Danny say “Why are you lying Dylan? Do you think we would be here if we didn’t have proof you did it? You see Dylan we found epithelial cells underneath Christine’s fingernails.” 

“Would you like to guess whose cells are they Dylan?” He says conversationally.

“Yes you’re right they are indeed yours.” He carries on not waiting for an answer to his question. 

“Wait. What? Can she have gotten those under her fingernails if we were having sex. I mean what the hell are those epi..the..” 

“Epithelial.” Danny interrupts sounding bored. 

“Show me your back.” The detective commands.

Dylan complies and look indeed the moron unfortunately was telling the truth, there were scratch marks looking about a day old on his back. Since Danny was convinced that the idiot really didn’t know he was talking about skin cells and there was no other indication that the victim fought her killer they both decided that the evidence underneath her fingernails was from a bit of rough sex. 

Agreeing that Dylan Young wasn’t their killer they drove back in silence to HQ. 

“Go ahead, I need to make a call, I’ll only be a minute.” Danny told Steve when they arrived not bothering to even raise his eyes from his cell to look at Steve.  
Steve wanted to desperately ask whom Danny was going to call. Was it the same person he and Grace had plans with last week instead of going to the aquarium with him? Has Danny really moved on that quickly? Was he seeing someone else already?

Danny was staring at Steve expectantly waiting for him to go so he can have some privacy. From the look in his eyes Steve knew his questions wouldn’t be welcome and he’ll just end up being told off unkindly so he bit his tongue and turned in the direction of the palace. 

“Where’s Danny?” Kono asked him suspiciously the minute he walked through the doors.

“He uh he had to make a call.” He stuttered, wondering when did talking to her become so daunting and uncomfortable that he’s stammering and waiting to duck abuses. 

“Where’s Young?” 

“He wasn’t the guy.” 

“Really? What makes you so sure? Did Danny agree with that or did you just decide all on your own?” She demands aggressively. 

Fortunately Danny comes back before she can accuse him of locking the detective in the trunk or something. 

“Got something.” Chin announces, breaking the tension that was starting to build. 

Steve lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and moves towards the computer table with the other two five-0’s. 

Chin fiddled with the screen for a few seconds and pulled up a video for them to see. They saw Riccardo Bishop at his gym with his employees in what appeared to be a staff meeting, they couldn’t be sure what was being said because the audio was scrubbed off.

“It was anonymously sent to us a few minutes ago.” Clarified Chin.

“Who sent it?” Steve asked.

“He just said it was sent anonymously.” Kono bit out looking at him with barely masked contempt like she had been all day.

Steve looked away from her sneering gaze. “Sorry.” He said swiping the back of his hand across his nose nervously muffling his words. 

“That’s Christine Torrez.” Danny said, his eyes never leaving the screen for a second. 

“Bishop said he never even met her.”

“Yes he’s a drug dealer, they lie.” Danny remarked, seemingly bored with Steve’s lack of deduction skills. 

“Let’s go pick him up then.” 

“No, we can’t do that just yet. We have no evidence against him and something tells me even you won’t be able to convince him to give us any information.” Danny told him.

“But the video, he clearly lied about not knowing her.” Steve argued.

“That’s not proof of murder. Look if we act now all we’re gonna do is spook him and he’s gonna call those lawyers of his who will just make our lives a living hell and he’ll probably get rid of any evidence that could help us.” 

Steve still wasn’t convinced that this was the best plan but was overruled when Kono nodded her agreement with Danny’s theory and Chin added “I agree with Danny brah, sitting on Bishop maybe the best thing to do right now. We let him think we’ve lost interest in him and that we’re looking elsewhere and he’ll relax and eventually slip. We’ll put eyes on him until we get enough evidence to actually charge him with something that’ll stick, meanwhile I think I can find out whoever sent us. They probably have something useful to say.”

Steve hated having nothing to do but even he had to agree that what they were saying made sense so he nodded his head in agreement.

While Chin and Kono tried to track the video to it’s sender, Steve and Danny looked over crime scene notes and photos trying to find anything to link Bishop to the murder. 

After about an hour Kono called to get their attention. They tracked the video to a guy named Brandon Lester, he worked at Bishop’s gym. After having found an address for the guy they both left to interview him. 

“Brandon Lester, Five-0. Open the door.” Kono announced when they arrived at Lester’s apartment.

“Ah crap. I should’ve known you guys would find me.” Lester complained.

“Hello to you too, why don’t you start by telling us what you know about Christine Torrez and why did you send this video.” Chin says pleasantly.

What they gather from him in the end was that he sent this video because of the threat contained within it. Bishop had a meeting with all of his employees in which he stated that if he caught anyone skimming he would end them. 

“Mr. Bishop knew Christine was skimming, we all did. We didn’t know she was a C.I.” Lester told them at the end of his interview.

When they asked what he stood to gain from Bishop’s arrest he said nothing and that he was just trying to be a good citizen. They didn’t believe him but they couldn’t see any personal gain for Lester and that was enough for probable cause to arrest Bishop. 

They also spoke to an Eric Landau who said that he saw Riccardo Bishop get in the car of the victim on the night of the murder. Feeling like they hit the jackpot they called both witnesses to give in their official statements so they could arrest Bishop and finally charge him.

*********

“No, I said he would end them as in fire not murder.” Insisted Lester, seeming less confident now than he was at the house a few hours back. 

Chin, Kono and Steve all tried talking to him using all sorts of techniques but he still wouldn’t budge. 

“Someone obviously got to him and threatened him.” Steve stated feeling his frustration grow. 

“Yeah, we still have Landau though.” Chin said though he didn’t seem very convinced. 

Landau withdrew his testimony as well stating that he was on oxycodone when he saw Bishop get in the car therefore couldn’t be sure what he did or did not see. 

“Look man, I wanna help I do but I’ve got two kids.” He told Danny as he hurried to leave his office as if it were on fire. 

“What the hell just happened?”

“Witnesses recant McGarrett it happens.” Danny said as he left his office to answer his phone.

Steve was really starting to resent the way Danny called him McGarrett, like they were strangers or something. He started to miss the fond exasperated ‘Stevens’ or the warm loving and on occasion very sexy ‘babes’. 

“That was Max, he said the victim showed signs of continued abuse that started over three years ago. He also said he found GHB in her system and evidence of sexual intercourse before her murder. The DNA came back to a Will Shepherd.” Danny interrupts Steve thoughts as he leans in the door.

“Guys, I just spoke with one of the victim’s close friends she said Christine had a boyfriend who…”

“Will Shepherd, yeah.” Danny cuts her off and fills her in as they all get ready to go make the arrest. 

The arrest was one huge clusterfuck. Nothing went as planned, it was pure luck that the only body they left was Will Shepherd’s. 

When they got to the obviously very sick man’s house the first thing they were greeted with was an explosive thrown at them through the window. Before they were even able to take cover it started raining bullets. Shepherd was firing a semi automatic machine gun like it was a paintball gun.

Steve can hear Danny on the phone calling HPD for back up and even he can admit that waiting for them may not be a bad idea. 

They were forced to go in before HPD arrived when Shepherd decided to throw another explosive at them. Their dynamics were flawed; they had apparently lost that natural ability to communicate with each other without the need for words. 

Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive but to actually be alive they need a beating heart. So when Steve’s beating heart took a hit to his chest, all he could think of was the need to protect him. He abandoned his cover and ran out towards the hail of bullets with only one word playing repeatedly in his head. Danny. 

He curved himself over Danny like a protective shell, all instinct to shield himself forgotten. Except it wasn’t though, because he may have been protecting Danny’s body not caring if his own got damaged in the process but he was also protecting the one thing that kept him alive. His heart, he was defending his beating heart, the source of his life. 

He couldn’t hear anything past the sound of his blood rushing in his ear and the constant chant of Danny, Danny spinning in his head in a never ending loop. He was vaguely aware of the detective yelling underneath him and pounding his fists against Steve chest. Good, he was fighting he’s okay. Steve didn’t want to die, which was why he stubbornly refused to move away from Danny. 

A thought flashed through his haze, if he got hit Danny would too he would never be able to seek cover fast enough. 

So he called on every ounce of training he has, raised his head a little to see where the bullets were coming from. When he had a location sketched in his head he calculated the angle he would need to turn, factored in wind speed and directionality and then he raised his upper body off Danny and took his shot. He curved his body back around Danny for another few seconds and only when he was sure that he was successful, when he couldn’t hear any more gunshots did he move off Danny. 

HPD finally got there, when he looked around everyone was staring at them, they were whispering and pointing. He couldn’t care less what they thought so he turned his head to the only person that did matter. Danny’s eyes were wide and unblinking, his jaw was a little slack and he was sitting on the floor refusing to move a muscle. He was looking at Steve in a way he’s never done before, he looked scared; like he didn’t know whether he should run from the crazy person in front of him or have him committed for the general public safety of Hawaii.

And how could Danny be looking at him like that? Like he’s surprised at what Steve did? Like he didn’t know Steve would do anything for him? Like he didn’t how much he meant to Steve? 

There used to be a time when he felt that way about Steve, when Steve knew with all that he is that Danny would do anything for him. Danny used to look at him like he was the sun and the moon and the stars all rolled into one, it made him feel precious and safe. He missed feeling this way, having someone feel that way about him. He’s only ever known it once and he was sure he’ll never know it again. 

How could Danny be looking at him that way? How could he not know?

Of course he doesn’t know because Steve is an adulterous whore. He betrayed the one person who’s ever shown him love. 

Danny blinks and takes a deep breath, he opens his mouth to say something but then shuts it again. He keeps doing it over and over again until Steve can’t take it anymore so he picks himself off the floor and runs. 

*********

“Danny said you’d be here.” Chin comments, leaning against the doorframe.

“Well, he didn’t say you would be in his office but he said you’d be here.” Chin continued when Steve didn’t acknowledge him.

“It’s not…. I’m not… I wasn’t going through his stuff or spying on him. Looking to find out who he’s dating or whatever. I wasn’t doing that.” He dismisses the silent accusation with no heat, he’s too tired anyways. 

No, what he’s doing is laying on Danny’s couch on his stomach with his head pillowed on his arms. Oh yeah and he’s wrapped in the pale yellow blanket Danny keeps in his office along with a change of clothes in case they need to sleep in the office because he absolutely can’t sleep unless he’s covered in something. It smells like Danno, he feels pathetic. 

“Nah brah, I get it.” He said softly.

His eyes became soft and sad, Steve instinctively knew he was going to talk about Malia. 

“When Malia died, I uh I didn’t wash or change the sheets for almost three weeks. They smelled like her.” He admitted quietly as if embarrassed by his confession. 

“I don’t have anything that smells like Danny cause he took it all like I don’t deserve them, I probably don’t. So I’ve been reduced to breaking into his office and stealing blankets out of all things cause I miss him so damn much.” He slurs his words a little, they sound bitter to his own ears. 

He doesn’t know why he’s sharing all this, maybe it’s because Chin has shared something intimate about himself and he felt the need to reciprocate knowing how private Chin was about the details of his grief. 

He’s reading way too much into this, he’s forgetting that the whole world isn’t Danny, isn’t as emotionally invested in him as Danny was. Danny used to play that game with him and he was really good at too, he would always win; he would share something private no one knows about but a trusted few. 

When Steve would start to clam up and burrow back in his shell out of the blue Danny would let him in on a secret Steve would’ve had no way of knowing otherwise. It made him feel special, honored to be one of those privileged few whom Danny chose to let into his life. It was Danny’s way of teaching him the rules of intimacy.

‘There’s nothing you could reveal about yourself that I wouldn’t want to know or would make me love you any less.’ Danny had told him once.

He bunched the material of the blanket in his hand and discreetly pulled it closer to his face. If Chin noticed what he was doing he was kind enough not to mention it. 

“Danny’s at the hospital.”

Steve feels every muscle jump to attention at that, his body snaps taught as raises himself on his elbows.

“No he’s fine, not a scratch on him” Chin hurries to add at the full-blown panic attack he sees Steve about to have.

He lays back down on the couch body aching from coming off the adrenaline high. 

“He’s waiting for you to get checked out, he said and I quote ‘Tell that and then he used some very interesting vocabulary I’m not comfortable repeating to get his ass down here’” Chin deadpanned.

“I’m fine.” He states emotionless. 

“He also said to tell you he’s not leaving the hospital until he sees you walking through the doors and willingly let them examine you.” 

“If Danny has so much to say me why isn’t he here telling me himself?” He says, bitterness lacing every syllable.

“I don’t know, why don’t you go ask him yourself?”

“Are you kidding me? Have you been paying attention lately?” Steve snaps, tired, sore and more than just physically bruised. 

“I have been paying attention Steve and you know what I see? I see you giving up, not trying hard enough. You say he’s it for you and you sure as hell are acting like it now so why aren’t you fighting like it?” Chin questions, his tone gentle, non-judgmental. 

“Look, he won’t talk to me, won’t listen to me. Unless you mean fight with my fists I don’t see what else I can do.” He sighs feeling the quick spell of anger leave him as quickly as it came.

“He won’t talk, he won’t listen so make him since when do you take no for an answer anyway. I’ve never seen you shy away from a fight before so why are you doing it now? Make him listen to you, he pushes you push him back. Not hard, just enough to show him you’re not quitting”

“Why are you even talking to me? Don’t you think I’m this terrible, selfish, bastard or something?” Steve questioned, he knew he shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth and that he should be grateful he still has a friend and that Chin hasn’t followed in Kono’s footsteps when it made sense for him to but he just couldn’t help it.

“You’re not a terrible, selfish bastard. Don’t get me wrong you did a terrible, selfish thing but you it doesn’t automatically make a you a terrible person.”

“So you gonna go to the hospital or are you just gonna let Jersey take out his aggression all night long on the poor unsuspecting population of HMC. You know he’ll camp there all week long if he has to.” Chin said with a wry smile. 

“Yeah, okay, fine.” He conceded.

He walked out of five-0 HQ with the words ‘don’t take no for an answer’ on his mind. 

*********

“Detective Williams, you mind giving us some privacy?” The nurse asked politely, Tyler was his name he thinks. 

“I’m not leaving.” Danny stated quietly, a threatening quality to his voice. 

“Detective, I’m sure the Commander would like…”

“It’s okay, he can stay.” Steve intervened from where he was laying down on the exam table trying to stop the bloodshed that would ensue if that poor nurse continued to argue with Danny while he was in this funk.

“Very well then.” The nurse sighed and started a quick exam. It ended in fifteen minutes declaring Steve uninjured after which the nurse left leaving Steve to get dressed.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Danny whispered as he turned to leave.

“No! Danny you’re not leaving.” Steve cried, as he quickly moved to the door.

“Steve, move please.” Danny murmured trying to move past Steve.

When Steve continued to block him he added just as quietly, “Please Steve, I’m saying please.”

At least he got a Steve out of this instead of that scornful McGarrett. 

“No, Danny I don’t care what you say or do you’re not getting out of this room until I say what I have to say. I’m not taking no for an answer.” He said determination in his voice and painting his features if only slightly undermined by the fact that he’s wearing nothing but a flimsy hospital gown with a floral motif of all things printed on the see through fabric. 

He turned to lock the door and then proceeded to cross his arms across his chest and tightened his jaw a little, all in all he hoped it was a stance that showed Danny that he meant business and that he wasn’t backing down. 

Danny took a deep breath, he closed his and eyes swallowed once and then repeated the ritual once more. 

“Okay whatever, you wanna talk be my guest.” He said sounding defeated.

Steve’s heart clenched, he did this, he made Danny shoulder’s slump like that and his voice sound so crushed.

“Well. What is so urgent you felt the need to kidnap me in order for me to hear?”

“I uh I haven’t gotten that far yet, I expected a lot more yelling and resistance.” He admitted softly.

“I’m tired Steve, so tired.”

He takes another deep breath and looked Steve in the eye “If you feel like…what you did today… Steve what happened that night?” 

“You stopped seeing me.” Steve blurted out, he didn’t mean for it to come out so accusatory but it did anyway.

“What?” Danny asked softly.

“You stopped seeing me Danny, when we first got together you looked at me like… I don’t know.” He struggled with his words, it felt like they were sealed in a vault at the base of his throat that he had no hope of ever unlocking.

“We’d be in a room full of people and you would look at me and I felt like I was the only one there, like you only saw me. You looked at me like I mattered, I felt wanted and needed. And then you started looking right through me, not all the time, but more than enough. I didn’t get it, I didn’t get what I did wrong. You never told me how you felt you just started acting different like you didn’t care or you were bored or something and then you’d be all sweet and attentive with the dinners and the flowers and I didn’t understand what brought it all on in the first place.” Once he got the words out he couldn’t stop.

“You were the first person, the only person to know me, to know all of me and love me anyway. You knew me Danny, so the Navy and all the bars and all the meaningless Catherines in my life and all the obvious mommy and daddy issues, who cared? Because you saw past all that Danny, you saw me. I was done, you’re the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And then you started saying things like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and that it would be okay for me to die on the field and you said…” He had to stop to take a breath, he was choking on his own tears, they blurred his vision then burned their way down his cheeks. He wiped his face with his hand. He eyes burned. His throat burned. He felt raw.

“You said you didn’t know me. Magic tricks and secrets you said. You stopped seeing me like you did. I was the hardass Navy SEAL with trust issues and fear of commitment, you didn’t see what you used to see anymore. You changed your mind about me Danny, all the things you decided didn’t define when you decided to give me a shot where now all you saw when you looked at me. And those things are ugly, I was ugly to you and I would lay awake at night trying to figure it out when you would finally get tired of putting up with me and decide to leave me. It was scary, I’ve never been so afraid in my life. Catherine she was just there and all I could think about was that I was gonna end up alone and with Catherine alone could be less lonely. I can’t even tell you what happened that night because I don’t know all I know is you’re it for me Danny, even if I can’t fix this I uh I’m done.” He felt drained by the end of his speech, panting like he’d just run a marathon.

He takes a look at Danny and what he sees knocks the breath right out of him. The blonde’s eyes are bloodshot and bright with glittering tears they run down his cheeks staining them. He looks absolutely gutted at Steve’s little revelation, he should’ve just kept his mouth shut, he would gladly take the aggression and the hostility over this any day. 

“I had no idea you felt this way.” His voice hardly above a whisper, if Steve hadn’t been standing so close he would’ve never heard him.

“I’m going to resign five-0.” He stated and raised a hand to stall Steve’s interruption.

“We can’t work together, not yet anyway just look at today’s disaster. One day I hope maybe we can but until then I need to stay alive for my daughter. I can’t… I was looking over my shoulder, it’s why I got hit today. I don’t trust you anymore Steve.” He shakes his sadly more tears making their way down his face.

Steve feels something tear its way from the pit of his stomach all the way to his throat, it sounded like a battered animal gasping for its last breath. 

Danny pulls him down for a hug, he’s got one arm wrapped around his waist the other around his shoulder, his hand curling around the back of the SEAL’s head. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers in his ear and isn’t that screwed up, Danny’s the one apologizing.

“I promised you you’d never be alone and I intend to keep that promise. You’ll always have a friend in me Steve no matter what and that’s never going to change, but more than that I can’t.”

He releases Steve so he can look him in the eye.

“Take care of yourself please.” He strokes the backs of his finger tenderly against Steve’s cheek and gave a sad twist of lips that could pass for a smile. 

With that he walks out of the exam room and Steve’s life for good leaving him reeling as his world’s turned upside down and inside out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions, criticism anything you have to say at all is more than welcome :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long delay but I'm back from Paris now so updates should be more regular

He started awake at the shrill beeping of his cellphone. He felt the warm body next to him groan slightly at the interruption to what was supposed to be a quiet weekend spent in bed.  
It’s Saturday for god sakes, HPD had no manners and criminals apparently didn’t take days off. 

“Williams.” He barked groggily at whoever was the end of the line, he hoped they didn’t take it personally.

Surprised at the voice he heard coming through his cell, he pulls it away from his ear and frowns at the caller I.D, that’s not who he was expecting. 

“Slow down please, I don’t understand a word.” He said trying to calm the frantic voice.

“What do you want me….”

“Okay, okay relax I’ll be there in ten minutes max.” He replied hastily finally understanding the supposed insistence of the matter. 

The urgency in his voice gripped the attention of his bedmate as he felt the bed shift and a concerned voice ask “Who was that? Everything okay?” 

He ran his fingers through the dark brown locks. He had a thing for brunettes apparently, especially a six-foot tall one he couldn’t seem to escape. 

“Steve’s in the hospital, it’s not life threatening but Kono wants me to come so…” He trailed off uncertainly.

He’d gotten back together with Gabby shortly after his break up with Steve. He’d come home to find her suitcases in his apartment and Gabby herself in his arms whispering an apology in his ear.

He told her about Steve and their break-up since day one, he’s doing a thing now communicating or whatever. 

“Why would Kono call you? I thought you’re working with HPD now?” She frowned, sitting up fully and completely alert at the mention of Steve’s name.

“I get the feeling this isn’t exactly case related, look Gabby this doesn’t mean anything okay, I’m just gonna visit my friend in the hospital.” He hurried to reassure already not liking where this conversation is going. 

“Your friend?” 

“Yes my friend, just my friend. I wouldn’t be with you if there were more to it than that.” He said leaning down to give her a quick peck before going to look for something to wear. 

Kono’s voice had really worried him she said that Steve wasn’t gravely injured but her voice sounded like he was dying. She was obviously crying and hardly had the presence of mind to make a useful sentence. 

“I can drive you to the hospital if you want?” Gabby offered.

Danny was just about tell her that it wasn’t necessary when he noticed the look in her eyes, this was obviously her passive aggressive way of telling him that she wanted to keep an eye on him if he refused now he’ll never hear the end of it for weeks to come.

“That’d be nice, thank you.” He smiled at her gratefully. 

Gabby babbled nervously in the car, he oohed and aahed where appropriate but he really wasn’t paying much attention to what she was saying. All he could think about was Kono’s shaking voice, what if Steve was seriously hurt and she didn’t want to worry him until he got to the hospital? 

They were all at some HPD event last night, he hadn’t seen Steve but the rest of Five-0 was there. It hadn’t even registered in his mind that Steve was missing and that he should’ve been there because the governor is adamant that Steve help foster the five-0/HPD relations. He had to be okay; Kono wouldn’t have been able to lie to Danny like that would she? No she wouldn’t 

Danny would surely be able to tell. 

As they were about to walk through the hospital doors Gabby got a call, she mumbled something to Danny about a museum emergency, asked him to give Steve his best, pecked him on the cheek and drove away. Danny vaguely wondered what sort of emergency would happen in a museum anyways. 

 

*******

 

“Chin, what the hell happened? Where’s he?” Danny demanded anxiously the moment he set eyes on Chin

“What the hell was that phone call? Kono… I swear to god she shaved five years off my life.” He continued tugging at his hair tensely.

“I told her to tell you his injuries weren’t serious. Didn’t she tell you?” Chin asked trying to calm Danny down. 

Now that Danny looks at him, he looks uneasy, his mouth set in a tight line and his eyes stressed and worried, his entire body radiated tension. 

“Yeah, she told me but she sounded… god Chin she sounded like he’s dead or something.” Danny breathed out trying to control his tears. 

“He’s… fine.” Chin told him, hesitating to describe Steve as being fine. 

“He was beaten, he uh he’s asking for you. Won’t let anyone else see or touch him.”

“What? He was beaten? I don’t understand, why’s he asking for me and why did Kono sound like that? Why won’t you just tell him he needs to be examined? What’s going on Chin? What aren’t you telling me?” He bombarded Chin with question after question yelling by the end his nerves already frayed from Kono’s phone call and Chin’s hesitation is only making things worse. 

“Danny, listen to me.” He said pulling Danny down so he could sit down.

“He’s really scared, he’s not the way he usually is after a fight you know.” Chin took a steadying breath before continuing, Danny can see the muscle in his jaw jumping before he continued. 

“He was found naked in an alley Danny.” He says quietly 

“Naked?” Danny feels his vision start to grey at the corners and his head start to spin. His chest constricts and he can’t seem to get enough air into his lungs. Why the hell can’t he breathe?

“Was he conscious?” He tries to ask anything other than what he really wants to. 

“No not then. He’s been in and out, he’s awake now. In pain but awake.”

“What about his injuries? What are his injuries?” Again he avoids the obvious the question. 

“Bruising, scrapes. They think his left arm’s broken, his wrist too and a few fingers.”

“They think?” Anything to fill the silence, because he can’t ask the one thing he should. 

“He won’t let anyone touch him, we’re lucky they were able to get him in a hospital gown before he woke up. He’s really scared and they’re afraid if they touch him he’ll get violent or aggravate his injuries.”

“So you’re not sure. I mean that he was… the naked thing… you’re not sure something happened.” He feels a flicker of hope inside him. Maybe he’d misunderstood Chin, maybe Steve wasn’t… he can’t even think it let alone say it out loud. 

“No, we’re not sure. Of course not. But Danny the way he’s acting, there’s blood…”

“I can’t imagine I’m the one he wants in there, does he not remember?” Danny interrupted not wanting to hear the rest of that.

Chin gave him a look as if he suddenly grew two heads; ‘of course you’re the one he wants in there’ it seemed to say. 

“They thought so, but he seemed to remember last night’s event.” 

He was at the party? Danny didn’t even notice him and he felt a pang in his chest at that.

“Okay. Can I see him now?” He said nodding his head not really knowing what he’ll do once he’s with Steve.

“You need to convince him to get checked out and to have… the kit. He should also give us a statement” Chin tried to sound as professional as possible.

Danny nodded again and got up for Chin to lead him to the examination room Steve was in. He realized it was the same examination room from a few weeks back. 

Danny took a deep breath before preparing himself to go in before hand on his bicep stopped him. 

“Be gentle.” It sounded more like a warning than anything else, normally he would’ve bristled at the implication that he’d be anything other than gentle with Steve but not this time.

 

*******

 

He was on his left side curled in a ball facing Danny when he walked in. His knees pulled as close to his chest as he could get them, his left arm curled tightly around them. His right arm which Danny assumed was the one with all the broken bones from the way he was holding it - was folded atop his knees. A blanket covered him all the way up to his ears. They thought he would hurt someone? He looked like a spooked rabbit.

As he got closer he noticed the bruising and the bump on the top of Steve’s head, like he hit his head against the wall. Hard. There’s was blood on the right side of his face down his cheek all the way to his chin originating from the same bruised spot on his head. Blood, he realized that had dried because he’d been too scared to let anyone wipe it away. 

He walked slowly towards, not really sure how close he allowed to get and not wanting to make any sudden movements that may scare Steve even though he was looking right at him. He could hear Steve’s wheezing as he breathed, bruised or broken ribs he guessed. 

Steve raised his head a little and spoke first much to Danny’s surprise.

“Danno?” It was more of a croak than a word. Danny only needed to glance to his throat to find out why; there was a bruise there shaped like boot he realized as he felt bile rise. Someone had put their foot on Steve’s throat and pressed down until…

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and shove his feelings in a box somewhere until he was ready to deal with them. Steve hadn’t called him Danno since that night. 

“You came?” Steve spoke again. Danny could hardly understand him, the father in him wanted to go get him a glass of water or some ice chips but he couldn’t leave him. 

"Of course I came.” He answered him instead

The small flicker of surprise that registered across his features broke Danny’s heart. 

"Why?” so much wonder in his raspy voice.   
“Because you asked me to.” Danny said shrugging his shoulder. 

He pulled a stool and sat next Steve, now that he was close he could see how pale he really was, he was whiter than the sheets he was laying on. He was shaking violently, tremors racking his frame. Danny wondered if he was cold so he reached out slowly giving Steve plenty of time to back away if he wanted to. When he didn’t Danny put his hand gently on the side of his face. His skin was clammy and there was a vicious bite mark on the side of his neck, right next what appeared to be a cigarette burn that matched another one behind his ear right under his hairline.

Danny’s fingertips brushed against Steve’s hair, the normally soft silky strands were course and matted together with blood. Instinct made him bow his head to give Steve’s forehead a kiss; kiss the booboo away like he always does with Grace. The stench that hit his nose made his stomach role for more reasons than one, Steve’s hair smelled like urine.

Steve was watching him intently, emotion swirled in those huge beautiful ocean greys. His eyes widened a fraction, his left hand moved to his face from where it was clutching the blanket to push at Danny’s hand. He realized he was pressing his fingers in anger into the finger shaped bruises on Steve’s jaw. He pulled his hand away quickly and ran his fingers through Steve’s hair instead. He needed to stay calm for him. 

“Steve…”

“I want to go home.” He whispered.

“Steve…”

“Please.”

“Babe, you can’t go home yet.”

“Why not?”

He decided to change tactics, “The doctors say you’re arm’s hurt? Does it hurt babe?”

Steve didn’t answer him just kept looking at him, he saw his bottom lip quiver.

“Can I see it?” 

Steve nodded after a while. Danny moved his hand out of his hair and bought down to his arm. He saw what Chin was talking about, his arm was already turning a hideous shade of purple, his index and middle finger obviously broken and one soft touch to his wrist made him literally sick to his stomach as he felt the bones out of place. 

“Babe, can I please get someone to look at it for you?” Danny asked him quietly.

“But you looked.” 

“I’m not a doctor Steve.” He said gently.

“But I don’t want people to look at me.” He pleaded softly. And that’s when it finally hit Danny, he doesn’t want to be looked at, he doesn’t want people to know and talk about him because then badass Navy SEAL Steve and head of Five-0 Steve even unfaithful Steve would be victim Steve.

“We need to let a doctor in so he can fix your arm.” He insisted tenderly. 

Steve lower lip trembled and his face crumbled. Danny watched him try to control his tears, Steve never cried unless he was safely locked in his bedroom. Something about a rule the older McGarrett had for both him and Marry when they were small, that they were never to cry unless they were in the privacy of their own rooms. 

‘What happened when you broke that rule?’ Danny had asked him horrified, Steve never answered but Danny had seen his hand dart up to his cheek. 

His tears rolled down his cheek as he started to cry, “I wanna go home, Danny please, please, please, I wanna go home.” He whimpered.

Danny shushed him and stroked him until the flow of tears stopped. He stole a look at his watch and tried to stifle a sigh it’s almost been two hours. Two hours and not a damn thing has changed. 

They were exactly where they were since he entered the room, Danny rubbing Steve’s back - which he was now sure was injured in some sort of horrific way because the skin didn’t feel as smooth as it’s supposed- and Steve trembling, fighting back his tears successfully so far and pleading with Danny to please, please let him go home, that he’s sorry and he just wants to go home. Like it’s Danny’s fault he was here, like Danny had him locked up in a cage and if he begged long enough or hard enough he’ll have mercy and let him out.

Mostly he just watched Danny with big, beautiful, sad eyes. How the hell was he supposed to get him to agree to an exam or anything else really?

“Steve,” he started again for what felt like the millionth time trying to keep the irritation out of his voice “babe don’t you want…” 

“What happened to me?” 

“What?” Danny asked dumbfounded, it was the first thing he’d said in a while that wasn’t ‘please’ or ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I wanna go home.’

“What happened to me?” he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“I don’t know Steve.” He was at a complete loss; he assumed he was acting this way because he knew. 

“I don’t remember.” 

“What?”

“I don’t remember anything.” He was growing more and more distressed, his eyes widening and roaming around the room nervously. “I don’t remember.” He whimpered tears starting to form  
in his eyes.

“Hey, Hey.” He brought both of his hand to cup Steve’s cheeks, “It’s okay.” He said even if it was the furthest thing from the truth. 

“I was at the party, I was there. I remember … I remember the governor he gave a speech… everyone was talking. All the people.” His voice soft and flat, almost like he was in a trance. 

He raised his good hand slightly to indicate Danny. 

“I remember seeing you.” He said softly. “You were with Gabby.” Danny didn’t think Steve’s eyes could get any sadder but they did at the mention of Gabby.

“I missed you… I wanted to talk to you… you said we could be friends… I tried to go to you… but you didn’t see me… you just kept walking with Gabby.” He sniffed softly.

Danny felt his heart sink, he struggled to keep eye contact with Steve. How could he not have noticed him standing right there, all six foot-one gorgeous in a tux of him? He’d have probably had a bit to drink to loosen up; apparently Steve McGarrett, despite the confidence he exudes was completely and utterly socially inept. He would stand there like an awkward baby giraffe not really knowing what to do with himself. Danny had never found anything so endearing about anyone in his life before. 

“Relax babe, why are you fidgeting so much?” Danny had asked him at a friend’s wedding once.

“I’m not fidgeting, I’m just fixing that damn noose you insisted I wear.” Steve replied hotly not looking up from ‘fixing’ his tie, the color rising high on his cheeks.

“I wasn’t the one who insisted you wear it the people who invited us did.” He batted Steve’s hands away from his tie, “Here, just let me.” He said softly.

“There you go.” 

Only Steve didn’t settle after that, he started fussing over the lapel of his jacket, brushing his hands over his pants, pulling his cuffs. Danny turned to raise an eyebrow at him which succeeded in making Steve blush even worst, a fact that Danny found very cute.

“Look, I don’t really like these things okay. I get nervous and then I get diarrhea of the mouth.” He said clearly embarrassed. 

Danny throws his head back and laughs because seriously what’s that goof got to be embarrassed about anyway? That was apparently the wrong thing to do because Steve frowned at him and then walked away.

Danny stopped him with hand on his arm. “Come on babe, I was only teasing. Besides you’ve nothing to be nervous about, you’re absolutely gorgeous and I’m pretty sure the bride’s been eyeing you since we walked in.” He said, warping his hand around Steve’s hip and shaking him a little.

Steve studied him for a minute or two before his face broke into the most beautiful smile Danny had ever seen. “Gorgeous huh?” He stuffed his hands in his pocket and rocked on the balls of his feet “Why don’t you uh take me to the bathroom and show me how gorgeous you think I am?” He asked with a shy expression that made butterflies dance in Danny’s stomach. 

“All the people… All the people were talking… no one noticed me… no one talked to me… I thought I should go.” 

He’s right Danny didn’t notice him. How could he not have noticed him?

“I started walking… I saw Kono… at the back of the room… Kono was there… she looked pretty. I remember she looked pretty… I wanted to talk to her, but she was… she was busy. She didn’t see me, so I went outside.”

Steve trailed off, his eyes flickering back and forth. Danny watched as he scrunched his face his eyebrows furrowing in concentration. He was so scared and upset Danny assumed it was  
because what happened but it was because he didn’t know, maybe he’s better off not knowing.

“I don’t remember… I don’t know.” He bit his lip, tears started to gather in his eyes again for what felt like the millionth time today. Danny went back to stroking his hair.

“It’s okay.” He repeated like if he said it enough times it’ll be true. 

“But I don’t know what happened.” Steve said anxious.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to remember it all right now.” 

“What happened to me?” He asked Danny.

“I don’t know babe.” 

“But you do know.” He exclaimed his voice getting higher frustration and fear mixing. 

Danny didn’t answer he hoped that he didn’t know, he hoped to be mistaken, he just hoped. 

Steve didn’t speak for a while when he did his voice was even quitter than before “Do you think that… did someone… tell me what happened to me.”

“I don’t know Steve, I really don’t but we need to find out okay, we need to know so I need you to let me let a doctor in, please Steve.” He tried again. 

“What else do I need to do?” He asked Danny quietly. 

“Let’s just let the doctor in okay babe.” Danny told him, he knew Steve needed a hell of lot more than to let a doctor fix his arm for him but Danny didn’t want to scare him just now so once  
Steve agreed to let a doctor in he will tell him about the exam and the statement he needs to give.

“And then I can go home?” Steve looked at Danny hopefully. 

“After you let the doctor in.” Danny answered not wanting to lie but not able to tell the truth either. 

“Willyoucomehomewithme.” Steve mumbled, his fingers tangling in the material of the blanket, his eyes downcast not wanting to make eye contact with Danny. 

“What did you say babe?”

Steve swallowed took a deep breath and tried again “Will you come home with me?” He repeated slower and clearer this time. 

Danny didn’t know what to say that, on some subconscious level he knew that Steve needed someone to be with him when he went home he just didn’t know that someone would be him. But then again who else would it be?

"Please Danno, please I don’t want to be alone I’ll do whatever you tell me I swear I…” He was cut off by a wail of pain when he tried to get up by putting weight on his broken arm. 

“Shshsh, Steve it’s okay calm down.” Danny whispered as he gently pulled his arm from underneath him and tucked it next to his stomach. 

“Steve, we need to let the doctor in now okay babe.” Danny said after Steve’s tears receded and his breathing even out. 

After a while Steve nodded his head slowly, “Okay Danno, for you.”

Danny took that as his cue and quickly got up to get a doctor before Steve’s nerves could get the better of him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know i promised people this about 3 days ago so I'm sorry for that.

“Lie back down Steve, it’s okay.” He whispered gently to Steve, who was now sitting up on the bed his legs raised in the stirrups to give the doctor a better view. 

When Steve didn’t acknowledge him he gently pushed down on his shoulder thinking that he really shouldn’t be watching this. Steve turned his head from where he was staring intently at the doctor to face Danny. He blinked at him and then went back to staring, he seemed okay enough so Danny let him be. 

The doctor announced that she was going to start now. By start she meant stitch the gash that ran down the inside of Steve’s thigh all the way down to his knee. There was a cigarette burn to match the ones on his neck and behind his ear and a myriad of bruises covering his entire body making his skin look like a canvas of one of those Jackson Pollock paintings. 

The doctor instructed Steve to remain still as she began cleaning the wound, Danny pressed more incessantly on Steve’s shoulder until he got him to lie down on his back. He turned his head to the left so that his eyes were leveled with Danny’s stomach. 

Danny turned to ask the doctor a question but was interrupted when Steve made a terrible noise through gritted teeth; it was something between a scream and a howl. He clenched his jaw as his back arched off the table, his thighs were shaking as he tried to bring them together but wasn’t able to because of the stirrups. 

“Can’t you give him something for the pain?” 

“We already discussed this Detective Williams, he’s allergic to local anesthetic and we don’t know what he was drugged with. We could wait until the labs get back…”

“No, no, no. I want to go now, I don’t want to wait.” Steve interrupted with the same response he did when they first found that puncture mark on his neck.

“Okay. How many more?” 

The doctor’s clinical mask slid off for a second to reveal a flash of emotion but it was gone before Danny could read what it was.

“It’s just a guess but about sixty more.” She said neutrally. 

Danny took a deep breath, he can do this. He can do this for Steve he thought as the doctor gave Steve a few moments to gather himself. His train of self-assuring thoughts was stopped abruptly when the doctor started again and Steve reacted in the exact same way. 

“Now how many more?” He asked irritated. 

“Maybe you should go grab some coffee, Detective?” The doctor suggested matching his irritation. 

“No!” Steve exclaimed as he reached with his good hand to clutch Danny’s in a surprisingly strong grip. 

“No don’t go please. I won’t make anymore noise.” He pleaded softly as he blinked away the tears that once again started gathering in his eyes.

“It’s okay.” He said quietly as he raised his arm to kiss Steve’s scraped knuckles. “You can make as much noise as you want, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Two hours later Steve was shaking violently and panting after having screamed his way through seventy something stitches. His grip on Danny’s hand was starting to weaken with exhaustion.

“We’re going to get some samples now.” The doctor announced as she moved towards the small sink in the corner of the room. 

It was quite save for the sound of the water running as she scrubbed and Steve’s ragged breathing which allowed for Danny’s thoughts to wander. He had agreed to stay with Steve while he recovered but he hadn’t really thought about what that stay would entail, how long would it be until Steve was well enough to be on his own? What was he going to tell Gabby? What was he going to do in a house on his own with a very traumatized fragile Steve McGarrett? What if he made it worse than it already is? Although he failed to see how things could get any worse, he was certain that if anyone was capable of doing it it was him. Deciding it was useless to dwell on it now he chose to focus on Steve and just get him through this then he can worry about everything else later. 

The doctor let Steve know that she was going to scrape under his fingernails. Danny gently extracted his hand from his grip to give the doctor access. She moved beside Danny gently taking Steve’s hand and scraping thoroughly under each fingernail one by one and then trimming them and bagging the samples. Steve watched her seemingly captivated or maybe he was just daydreaming. The doctor moved to Steve’s other hand, Danny winced at how swollen it had gotten. She scraped under two of his fingernails, Steve whimpered quietly, he bit on his lower lip to stifle anymore noises and shook a little but other than that held completely still. Danny could swear he could see Steve was getting paler by the second, he winced once more when the doctor reached his broken middle finger even she seemed to hesitate a little before muttering to Danny that she’ll be quick. 

It didn’t matter how quick she was going to be though because the minute she touched him, Steve lurched off the bed and emptied his stomach contents on Danny’s shoes. He leaned forward his bruised rib making it difficult for him to breathe, Danny rubbed his back soothingly until his breathing evened out. 

“I’m sorry oh god I’m so sorry.” Steve babbled nervously. 

“Babe it’s okay don’t worry about it.” 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to Danno I’m sorry…” Steve continued like Danny hadn’t spoke at all, he looked like he was about five seconds away from getting up to try and clean Danny’s shoes.

“Hey, relax it’s fine Steve they’re just shoes.” He said reaching to cup Steve’s face gently with a reassuring smile. 

Steve settled back down for the doctor to continue, his arm darted out to cling to Danny’s hand and squeeze. 

The doctor bagged the rest of the evidence and scribbled something in her notes.

“You did great babe.” Danny whispers encouragingly causing Steve to turn to him and smile a watery smile. 

“I’m going to need you to remove your gown for me please Commander McGarrett.”

Danny startled slightly at the sound of her voice having momentarily forgotten about her presence. Confused by her request he was just about to question why she wanted him to do that when he noticed the camera she held. Right, for the police report. 

“Danno?” Steve said quietly already pulling the blanket up to his chest. 

“Okay babe come on I’ll help you.” Danny said reaching to pull the blanket away from Steve only to have Steve pull away from him and clutch the blanket.

“I don’t wanna do this anymore.” He said voice trembling as his tears spilled down his face. “Please?” He added quietly.

“Hey.” Danny leaned over Steve’s retreating form to press his fingers lightly to his temple. “You’re doing so great. You’re almost done.” 

“But I … I want to stop.” His voice hitched as he pulled the blanket up all the way to his chin. 

“I know but you’re almost done.” Danny said as he pulled the blanket away from Steve. 

He shook is head forcefully as Danny moved to untie one of knots on his gown. 

“No, no, no, no…” He moaned but Danny ignored his protests and untied the other knot. He tried to pull the gown up and cover up but Danny pulled it away from him despite his sobs and physical attempts to stop him. He raised his good hand to desperately cover up every patch of skin that Danny exposed until Danny pulled the gown and the blanket away from his reach. He hunched his frame over. “I don’t want to. Please.” He cried over and over again. 

“I know but it’s almost over. Come on.” Danny said as tried to get Steve to straighten his body for the pictures. 

When he was finally able to get a shaking Steve to sit up the doctor started taking photos of the bruises on his arms, legs, stomach chest and face, the gash on his thigh and the cigarette burns there as well as the ones on his neck, behind his ear and on the soles of his feet, his broken arm, wrist and fingers, his back where the skin was raised in red angry welts and dark purpling bruises where it was obvious something hard bit into the flesh. 

Steve jerked with every snap of the camera his wailing getting louder and trembling more violent as his distress grew, Danny tried to pay it no attention as he stood behind Steve to prop him up knowing it was a necessary evil and that it would be easier to just get it over with instead of taking it slow to make Steve more comfortable. Less painful he thought ripping the band-aid off and all that, knowing it didn’t make him feel any less like scum.

“He’s not showing any signs of kidney damage. He’s lucky.” She had commented on the dark almost black bruising on his back where his kidneys should be. Danny had to disagree with her as he gently helped Steve lie down on his side, he watched him pull his knees up to his chest despite how painful the position must be with a bruised rib. Steve wasn’t lucky at all.  


Danny watched Steve watch him with a guarded accusatory expression on his face. He wondered if maybe he pushed too far, he shook his head it’s done now wondering about it won’t undo it so instead he focused on something else.

“Steve.” He began not really knowing what to say “Babe, I’m sorry okay, but it’s over now and…”

“I want to go home.” Steve interrupted his tone snappish; he was obviously angry with Danny and had no intention of making this easy.

Danny sighed and turned around to pace trying to relieve the nervous tension building up in his body.

“No! Don’t leave. I’m sorry please don’t leave.” He heard Steve yell from behind him. 

Danny turned to face him, his eyes were wide and terrified he was shaking so badly Danny could swear he could hear his teeth rattling from where he was standing.  


“I’m not going anywhere Steve.” He said as he hurried towards him shocked by his response and shift in mood. When he was within arm’s reach Steve flung his arm out to grasp Danny’s hand tightly in his.

“I wanna go home please Danno. Take me home.” He pleaded softly. 

“I need you two do more things Steve, just two more things and then I swear we can leave.”

Steve’s whimpered low in his throat but nodded his head at Danny, which he chose to take as a win. 

“I need you to give a statement babe, Kono’s …”

“No.” Steve whispered shaking his head at the mention of Kono’s name.

“No?” Danny asked him confused as he watched Steve fiddle with the edge of the blanket and refused to look up. Danny thought he kept his eyes downcast for a reason. 

“Steve, what’s wrong?” 

“She’s mad at me.” His voice was so low Danny wasn’t even sure he heard him. He couldn’t be possibly referring to what happened after they broke up could he? 

“I’m sure that’s…”

“She hates me.” He whispered still fiddling with his blanket. 

“Steve…”

But he just shook his head as tears welled up in his eyes. Not wanting to see him cry again, Danny decided not to press this anymore.

“What about Chin huh? Chin doesn’t hate you.” He told him gently.

“I want you.” 

“I’m not five 0 anymore babe, remember?” and even if he was he’s not sure he would be able to do this.

Steve seemed to consider it for a few seconds chewing on his lower lip, eyes downcast fingers fidgeting with his blanket and then he nodded his head. Danny resisted the urge to pump his fist triumphantly instead smiling at Steve and stroking his cheek gently. He turned to leave so he can go find Chin but Steve’s grip tightened on his arm. 

“I have to go find Chin.” He told him softy. 

But Steve didn’t budge he even gripped harder. 

“I’ll be right back I promise.” He added. 

Steve loosened his grip but still didn’t move his hand, Danny waited for him a few beats but when it became obvious that’s all he was willing to do he shook him off careful not hurt him.

******

In the end it’s Chin who finds him and not the other way around. He sits next to him in one of the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room and says nothing either waiting for Danny to speak or deciding to play the silent supporter role. 

“Steve’s ready for you take his statement. He doesn’t remember much of anything though.” He says too tired and wary for niceties and updates on Steve’s condition. Chin will get to see it himself anyway in a few seconds. 

“Me? I thought he’d more comfortable with Kono.” 

“I thought so but apparently they had some sort of fight and Steve’s… not himself right now so I guess he’s taking it a lot more seriously than he should.” Danny sighs scrubbing a hand over his face. 

“Nah brah, that’s no fight Kono hasn’t been so… friendly since you left.” Chin says with a frown. 

“Well he’s hell bent that Kono hates him and only agreed to let you take his statement, I honestly don’t want to argue with him so lets just go, he gets antsy on his own.” Danny says hoping that he exuded an air of finality.

He gets up and Chin follows him until they get to Steve’s room. Danny hesitates before taking a deep breath and then opening the door. He walks in to find Steve exactly how he left him eyes wide and anxiously glued to the door. When he sees Danny he smiles obviously relieved. 

“Danno.” 

“Hey babe, see who I brought?” He says moving to stand beside Steve his tone mock cheery and encouraging. 

“Hey brah.” Chin greets him softly as he takes a step towards his hand held up maybe to squeeze his shoulder or something. 

Steve flinches, cries out and staggers back towards Danny. Chin’s eyes widen at his reaction and instinctively takes a step back. Steve’s eyes flicker nervously from Danny to Chin and then back again. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers softly. 

“That’s alright don’t worry about it.” Danny hurries to assure him. “Nobody’s upset right Chin?” He adds. 

“Yeah, no of course not.” He smiles at Steve what Danny regards as a soothing smile and is pleased to see that it has put Steve at ease a little bit. 

Steve tells Chin about the party and about leaving early when nobody seemed interested in his company. He tells him that he went to a bar, he doesn’t remember which one but it must’ve been close by. If Steve was drinking before he was drugged then it made sense why he didn’t remember anything, his emotional reaction was also plausible. He stops midsentence and starts tracing a particular bruise on his arm. Danny hadn’t noticed that specific one amongst the rest of the ones that littered his body but now that he does it seems awfully symmetrical. 

“I fell down the stairs.” Steve says still tracing the bruise his voice soft and vacant like he was in a daze. “No. I was dragged down, someone…. someone pulled my ankles.”

When they tried to question him more about that he shut down, shaking his head at any other question or giving useless monosyllabic answers. He didn’t remember any more. Chin and Danny’s eyes met over Steve’s head both silently agreeing that they weren’t going to get anymore out of him. Danny went to walk Chin out despite Steve’s protests promising him to be back straight away. 

Once the door was shut, Chin turned to face Danny with a stern look on his face.

“What are you going to do?” Chin asked him in a no nonsense tone. 

“I…I don’t know Chin.” He answers his voice tired and not really up to a fight. “I told him I would take him home and stay with him but…”  


Chin raises an eyebrow clearly unimpressed. 

“Look I know he can’t stay alone and I don’t want him to but I’m just not sure I should be the one staying with him.” He admits. 

“If he’s going to be alone the hospital won’t release him.” Chin states.

Danny doesn’t want that either; he doesn’t want to abandon Steve here alone especially since he had been begging to go home since the moment Danny set foot in his room. It would just be cruel to leave him here vulnerable and scared with strangers looking after him. No Danny’s going to be the one looking after him. 

“He’s not going to be.” He says with an air of confidence and resignation he doesn’t feel. 

“Good.” Chin nods satisfied but then his eyes narrow in suspicion 

“You want to talk to Gabby don’t you?”

Danny nods almost hesitantly, he has no idea where this is going but he doesn’t like it so far. 

“About Steve?”

“Yes. No. Just about this in general.” Danny gestured to himself and the door to Steve’s room. 

“Steve needs you.” He states neutrally, his disapproval is clear though, he doesn’t think Danny should talk to Gabby. 

“Look. Gabby and I… I just can’t not talk to her. I’m doing a thing now. We’re supposed to be talking. Communicating. I’m communicating. With Gabby.” Yes Danny, communicating instead of letting your partners stew in their self-doubt and insecurities. Communication is key.

“We’re having issues…”

“Does it look like your issues matter right now?” The normally unflappable man snapped. 

“You asked.” Danny says taken aback by the sudden change in tone.

“I asked about Steve, you and you’re issues are affecting him right now. He needs you.”

Danny bristles at that, he has a life that doesn’t revolve around Steve McGarrett, Chin is looking at him like he’s about to jump ship. The thing is though, Steve sank their ship and Danny isn’t going to apologize or be made to feel guilty for abandoning a sinking ship. 

“You’ve moved on, you’ve got your girlfriend and your new job and your… issues or whatever. You’ve moved on but Steve hasn’t so you don’t need to be giving him a hard time over anything.”

“You think I’m giving Steve a hard time? Well you know what Chin? Fuck you because I’m doing the best that I can to help Steve, I really am but I have other people in my life and as much as I want to help and make this easy for him I can’t just drop everything to be with him. Steve leaving that party and getting hurt has nothing to do with me moving on as you so simply put it, it just happened and it’s not my fault. I don’t want to leave Steve alone and I won’t so I need to call my girlfriend and tell her that because I owe her that much.” Danny heaved a sigh at the end of his rant taking a deep breath to help calm him down. This wasn’t his fault, Steve didn’t get hurt because of him, they’re broken up Danny had every right to be with someone else. Right, that’s it, this isn’t his fault, he has to believe that.

“I know brah, I know. I’m sorry I don’t know what wrong with me, it’s just…” 

“Seeing him like that.” Danny continued for him. “I know. It’s okay.” He added with a soft smile. 

“Let me go get someone to get him to X-ray so I can take him home.” 

“No. You go be with him, I’ll send someone.” Chin told him as he turned to do just that. 

Danny watched him walk away for a few seconds before remembering he needs to go in and then proceeding to do that.  
“Why were you yelling? I…. I heard you yelling, you were yelling. Why?” Steve babbles at him before he’s even had time to get both feet in the door. 

“Uh… you know me babe, I’m always yelling.” Laughing nervously he hopes that Steve didn’t hear what he was yelling about. 

Steve seems to consider that for a moment before shaking his head clearly unconvinced. 

“You sounded… angry. You were angry. Did… did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me? Will you not take me home?” Steve bombarded him with question after question, twisting his fingers in the blanket nervously.

“No Steve of course not. I was just yelling at some guy who bumped into me.” He lied quickly.

Steve seemed even less convinced but fortunately the doctor who was going to get his arm x-rayed interrupted him from prodding anymore. He intended to give Gabby a call while Steve got his arm x-rayed and put in a cast but when he suggested that he go make a quick phone call and told Steve he’ll see him after he panicked clutching at Danny’s shirt tears swimming in his eyes.

“Please don’t leave me.” He cried out, Danny’s heart ached at the thought so he stayed.

Once Steve realized that Danny isn’t going anywhere he relaxed a little bit but once it dawned on him that taking him to x-rays meant moving down the hall to take him there he panicked. It had taken them ten minutes to convince him but finally they were able to get him on a gurney. He pulled his blanket all the way up to his chin and clutched Danny’s hand.  
The hallways were pretty busy as usual and while normally people wouldn’t stop to look at a patient on a gurney (this was a hospital after all) everybody knew who Steve McGarrett was and everybody knew he’d been the one howling in Exam Room 3 for the better part of today so of course they halted all conversation when they rolled him by. 

Steve was getting more and more anxious by the second as more people didn’t even try to be discrete in staring at him. Danny had resist the urge to scream at all of them knowing that would only draw more attention to them instead he squeezed Steve’s hand and told him to just close his eyes. 

“You need to let go now Commander.” The doctor instructed Steve once they got to the machine. 

Steve gave no indication that he even heard him as continued staring ahead with Danny’s hand grasped tightly in his. 

“Babe I can’t reach your hand while you’re in the machine, you need to let go.” He told him gently. 

“I…I don’t want to.” Steve whispered.

“I know, how about I hold your foot instead huh?” Danny said already reaching for Steve’s ankle.

Danny rubbed soothing circles on the soft skin of Steve’s ankle until he let go of his hand. Danny turned to nod at the doctor who in turn handed Danny a vest that resembles their tac vests but longer to protect him from the radiation. 

Good news was that Steve’s breaks were clean and that he wouldn’t need surgery. Danny watched as the doctor wrapped a layer of cotton around Steve’s arm, wrist and fingers. 

“I’m gonna go get your discharge papers so we can go home alright Steve?” 

Steve hesitated a bit before nodding his head at Danny who set out to do that as well as pick up Steve’s pain killer prescription, sleeping pills and antibiotics to ward off any potential pneumonia from his bruised rib. 

******

“Hey Gabby.” Danny spoke to his phone. 

“Danny, Hi. How are you? And how is Steve?”

“I’m fine, Steve’s… he’s banged up but okay. He’s going home soon.” 

“Oh well that’s good.” She said sounding relieved. 

“He wants me to go home with him.” Danny blurts out before he looses his nerve.

“Oh… uh… why?” She asks and Danny can practically hear her frown.

“Because he can’t go home alone, he needs help getting around the house and he’s not…emotionally stable right now.” You shouldn’t be doing this, you shouldn’t be talking to her about him. You were just supposed to tell her that you’ll spend a couple of days with him and that’s it. 

“Well why can’t he just stay at the hospital until he’s strong enough? Or why can’t Chin or Kono go with him.” She says her voice getting higher with frustration. 

Danny blew out a sigh; this was supposed to be a quick phone call not a full blown fight. 

“He wants to go home and he wants me to go with him. Look Gabby I would do this for anybody else.” He tried to reason with her and while yes what he told her was it somehow feels like it isn’t because this is Steve. 

“Yes but this isn’t anybody else and it’ll never be anybody else it’s him and it’ll always be him!” She flat out yells. 

“I’m sorry Danny.” She hurries to add. “I know you would never… Steve’s hurt, he’s your friend and he needs you should go. Stay with him as long as he needs.” 

“Okay.” He says softly. “I’ll call you.” He adds as an afterthought. 

******

Danny opened the door to Steve’s exam room and slipped in. Steve was facing the door in his usual position, his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. 

“Hey Steve.” He said softly angling the papers in his hand so he could see them. “I just need you to sign a few things so we can take you home.”

“I can go home?”

“You can go home.” Danny told him with a reassuring smile. 

“You’re going to come with me?”

“I’m going to come with you.” 

“But… but you left…you left home and you didn’t come back…you left me.” He chewed on his lower lip as his tears spilled down his cheek. 

“Yeah, I left after I found you in bed with someone else.” Danny tells him harshly. 

Steve flinched at the sudden anger directed at him, the action making Danny instantly feel guilty for snapping at him. He shushed Steve gently, whispering apologizes to him and brushing his tears away. 

“I’ll stay with you for as long as you need okay? I’m not going anywhere.” He said to Steve who keeps his eyes downcast 

“Okay?” He repeated when Steve didn’t respond hooking his finger under his chin and forcing him to make eye contact. 

“Good.” Danny said at Steve’s hesitant nod. 

A knock drew Danny’s attention to the door from where he was helping Steve steady his hand so he can sign his discharge papers. It looked like a first grader’s scrawl but it’ll have to do. 

The nurse behind the door smiled at him as he put the assortment of clothing piled high in his arms on the small table next to the door. Right, clothes. Steve needs clothes. 

“Doctor Reeves asked me to give you these.” 

“Scrubs, they should fit the Commander.” He said as he handed Danny navy top and pants. Next he handed Danny a pair of green crocs that looked like they were Steve’s size as well and then three prescription bottles; pain killers, sleeping pills, antibiotics and instructions about dosage and times. He frowned, he could’ve sworn he already picked these up. 

“You asked the pharmacist to fill them but you forgot them at the counter.” He explained at Danny’s confused expression. 

“Thank you.” He smiled gratefully at the nurse who in turn turned to leave the room to give them some privacy. 

Ten minutes later Steve was still getting dressed and asking the same question for what felt like the fiftieth time. 

“Are you sure you’re going to come home with me?” He asked tentatively as he stopped struggling with his pants for a minute to look at Danny. 

“Yeah babe, I’m sure.” He smiled patiently at him. 

“And you’re going to stay?” Steve predictably asked. 

“Yup.” 

“You’re sure?” 

“Positive.”

They’ve been stuck in this vicious cycle now for almost ten minutes; Danny would offer to help Steve get dressed only for Steve to decline claiming he could do it himself. Of course he couldn’t because he can’t raise his arms over his head high enough to get his shirt on so he would ignore it for the sake of trying the pants. In a painstaking process he was able to slip his legs into the pants and slide them up his hips, they were too big for him though and since he wouldn’t be able to pull on the drawstrings one handed they would pool around his ankles. He would look up to ask Danny the same four questions, try his luck with the shirt then the pants and then back to Danny again. It was unbearable and Danny stifled the urge to yell at him to stop knowing it would cruel and uncalled for. 

“Just let me help you.” He said. “Not because you can’t do it but because it’ll be faster that way.” He adds when he sees Steve open his mouth to probably say ‘I can do it.’

******

“Don’t you want a wheelchair?” Danny asked him quietly as Steve struggled to stand, the soles of his feet no doubt protesting at all that weight being put on them. 

“No I can walk.” He insisted swaying a little before finally finding his footing and taking a few tentative steps until he reached the blond to wrap his arm around his shoulders his height making him a perfect crutch for Steve. 

The walk out of the hospital was fairly smooth. A few people where in the halls but they had the decency to gawk at him where he couldn’t see them. Steve scanned the area in what he most of thought was a discrete manner but really wasn’t for people who may suddenly want to run up to him. 

They were almost to the exit when they saw them. 

Chin and Kono were standing together, looking over a tablet together. 

They were four feet away when the cousins spotted them. Steve was still shuffling to the door keeping his focus on not keeling over and Danny he hadn’t seen them yet. 

“Boss.” Kono said sympathetically as she started to move towards Steve reaching out to touch his arm but before she could Steve flung himself sideways causing Danny to almost loose his momentum and fall but he managed to regain his balance in time to wrap his arm around Steve’s waste to steady him while Steve buried his head in his neck and started to cry. 

“What…?” Kono stuttered wide-eyed.

Danny just shook his head. “I’m sorry” was all he could think to say. 

Chin led a protesting Kono away from them and nodded at Danny gesturing to indicate that they should continue. 

******

Steve’s eyes scanned the parking lot looking for something, Danny just assumed he just doing what he was doing in the hospital paying it no attention. When they reached the Camaro Danny opened the passenger door for Steve and moved to help him get in knowing that it would be difficult for him to bend in order to get into the car’s low frame with a bruised rib. 

“Where’s my truck?” He looked around still searching the parking lot.

“I um I don’t know Steve.” Danny said trying again to help Steve get in the car.

“But I want it.” Steve insisted as he moved away from Danny’s grip. 

“How about we look for it tomorrow?” Danny reasoned. 

“But…but…” Steve looked like he was going to cry again “what if I need it?” 

“Steven…” 

“And my keys. I don’t know where my keys are.” His voice getting frantic. 

“My wallet and my badge. Danny where are they?”

“Steve, it’s okay.” He soothed. “We don’t have to worry about all that right now.”

“But…”

“We’ll find everything later I promise.” He said stroking his cheek. 

“I promise.” He repeated when he saw Steve was going to interrupt. 

Steve took a deep breath and sighed, Danny smiled at him, helped in the car and then got into the driver’s seat. He tried to quell his fluttering nerves about being in the house all alone with Steve while he’s being like this. He failed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions, criticism anything you have to say at all is more than welcome :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I'm not going to even make excuses for myself because I know I suck, here's a new chapter if anyone's still reading. 
> 
> Merry Christmas (a little too late I know) everyone and a happy new year. :)

Danny slipped the key that he still kept in his keychain in the keyhole, he entered the alarm code that’s still his birthday. He then held the door open for Steve as he slowly walked in and then stopped a few feet into the living room. 

Danny looked around. He thought back to the last time he was here trying to erase himself from Steve’s life. He didn’t even leave the junk food only he ate behind, maybe even took things he that he had no right to. He hadn’t felt guilty about doing that, about ridding Steve of half his life. After all it was Steve’s choice.  


Now though he feels nothing but sorrow and guilt at the cold looking house. Everything was clean. Sterile. Nothing was out of place, everything seemed placed unnaturally precise. The house felt less lived in than the first time he entered it. 

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and directed his attention to Steve who was still standing in the middle of the living room looking like a kid who got lost.

“Come on Steve, let’s get you up stairs.” He said quietly wrapping his hand around Steve’s bicep pulling him gently towards the stairs. 

Steve didn’t resist following obediently, he stopped at the beginning of staircase eyeing it warily. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and flickered his gaze to Danny momentarily before letting it drop again. 

“It’s okay.” He offered gently. 

Moving to tuck himself underneath Steve’s good side “I’ll help you.” 

They made it up the stairs a few minutes later with Steve winded but otherwise okay, a fact that made Danny very proud of that achievement. He continued to pull Steve in the direction of his bedroom when it seemed like he was just going to continue to stand there unsure of what to do with himself. 

Danny pushed the door open and lead Steve inside who came to an abrupt stop.

“What’s wrong Steve?” Danny asked trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. He was exhausted and in desperate need of sleep but saw no need to take it out on Steve who was doing his best and really didn’t need Danny giving him crap about it. 

Steve blinked at Danny as if he’d just realized he was here, he looked around the room before looking back at Danny like he’d just remembered what he wanted to say. 

“I want a shower.” He said quietly. 

He wasn’t surprised at the request but as he looked Steve up and down he immediately knew it was a bad idea. His head just conjured up all the things that could go wrong, Steve was swaying, hardly able to stand straight. He imagined him falling and cracking his skull open or pulling his stitches and bleeding all over the bathroom floor. 

“How about a bath instead?” He suggested.

Steve shook his head adamantly. 

“It might be easier to take a bath.” Danny argued glancing at Steve’s broken arm indicating to him it might affect his shower-taking abilities. 

“I want a shower.” He said forcefully fixing Danny with a look that he recognized all too well and never thought would miss until today. It was gone too soon though as Steve looked at him with wide pleading eyes. 

“Please.” He said meekly. 

“Okay.” Danny sighed. 

“Wait here.” He told Steve when he tried to follow him back to the closet. 

He came back with a triumphant smile carrying a dry cleaning’s plastic bag. Steve flinched and jumped back when Danny came towards him looking like he thought the detective intended to strangle him with it. 

“Babe, What’s wrong? I’m not going to hurt you. It’s for your arm, you can’t get your cast wet.” He hurried to explain not quite able to wrap his head around the fact that he was reassuring Steve he won’t hurt him and with a plastic bag of all things too.

“Oh.” He whispered softly, his expression relieved as he shuffled closer to Danny from where he’d jumped holding out his casted arm like a chastised child. Danny made quick work of wrapping Steve’s arm, it looked airtight enough for a shower.

“Thank you.” Steve whispered head hung low.

“Do you need help?”

When Steve shook his head he added, “Are you sure? Do you need help getting undressed?” 

He shook his head again. Danny decided it was futile to argue with him as he stifled an annoyed sigh. “Okay. But we won’t lock the door and I’ll wait outside in case you need me.”  
Steve nodded his agreement but didn’t move, he watched Danny with intention and an expression the blonde couldn’t quite decipher. He wanted to hug him or stroke his hair; anything to comfort him. Instead he just smiled at him. 

“Go on.” He encouraged him gently.  


Steve visibly shook himself and trudged in the direction of the bathroom. Danny stopped him when he tried to close the door leaving it slightly agar then he slid down the wall next to the door.

He was tired. Exhausted really. Danny glanced at his watch, it’s only three thirty but it feels like an entire lifetime had passed in one morning and one afternoon. His thoughts drift to that dreadful phone call. To Chin’s face in the hospital. To Steve looking so small and so terrified on that exam table. To the only time he’d seen him so distressed, when Danny walked out on him. To Kono’s devastated expression as they left the hospital. Through the blur of his thoughts Danny tried to pay attention to what was going on in the bathroom, the soft sound of Steve’s feet padding on the floor, the sound of the water when he turned it on.  


Soon though, the sound of the running water became distant as Danny surrendered to the exhaustion that seeped through every muscle letting sleep take him. 

 

*****

 

He started awake to the sound of something shattering, he was up on his feet yelling Steve’s name before he was even fully awake. He shoved the bathroom door as hard as he could, the door swung so violently it crashed into the wall with a loud thud. 

His foot connected with something slippery and he felt himself start to fall. He swung his arm out grabbing at the door regaining his balance before he hit the floor. He looked down to see that he almost slipped on a bar of soap, there were shampoo bottles and razors scattered everywhere. 

He turned to the open shower stall, Steve was hunched in the corner, his knees pulled up, both his arm wrapped around them, his shoulders shaking violently. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he gasped to catch his breath. 

Quickly Danny stepped over to the shower, reaching to turn off the faucet. Just as quickly he pulled his hand back. The water was scalding, he stole a glance at Steve noticing how raw his skin looked. He sighed and ran his hand under the burning liquid to turn off the faucet. 

Now that the water was off, the sound of Steve’s crying and gasping became more apparent. Danny could hear the slight wheezing and hitching of his breath. 

“Tell me what’s wrong?” He said gently as he crouched down so that he was eye leveled with Steve. 

“I can’t….I can’t…. I can’t” Steve was gasping for air, his breath coming out in shallow pants.

“Shshsh, Steve calm down babe, it’s okay.” Danny soothed him gently as he wiped away Steve’s tears.

“I can’t get it off Danno. I can’t Danno, it won’t come off, it won’t, it won’t.” He babbled, looking at Danny with wide frantic eyes. 

“Okay, okay. Let me help you alright?” 

Steve nodded his head jerkily at Danny. 

“Okay. Come here babe.” Danny instructed gently holding out his hand.

He watched Steve stare at him for a few seconds, searching his face for an answer to some unasked question, then slowly he saw him stretch his long legs and scoot towards Danny. He barely moved an inch but Danny smiled encouragingly at him keeping his hand out. He once again moved his legs and scooted closer. Then again. And again. Until he was close enough to reach his hand and let his fingers brush against Danny’s. This time it was Danny’s turn to step closer, still squatting but moving so he was actually positioned in the shower moving nearer until he was able to fully entwine his fingers with Steve’s. 

A tiny squeeze came from Steve’s end and that was enough. Danny inched a few more steps toward him, then lowered himself all the way to the floor of the shower, sitting cross-legged just centimeters away from where Steve sat with his legs still pulled to his chest. The SEAL seemed to understand what he was doing, and as soon as he was settled, Steve shifted himself until he was sitting right next to Danny’s legs. Carefully he untangled his fingers from Danny’s and held his arms out to him.

Once he was ready, Danny grabbed Steve under his armpits to help him stand, he wrapped one arm around his waist the other around his shoulders for leverage mindful of the tender looking welts on his back that were aggravated by the heat. He pulled Steve until they were both standing. Steve leaned his forehead against the bonde’s shoulders and waited. Danny kept his arms around the SEAL to steady him afraid he would fall. 

Looking around, it occurred to Danny that the situation he suddenly found himself in was one that most people would not consider to be entirely appropriate. In fact, if the circumstances had been different, he would definitely not have considered it appropriate either. After all, there he was, sitting fully clothed in the shower with Steve, his ex-boyfriend, naked in his arms, except for the plastic-bag-covered cast on his broken arm while his girlfriend waited for him at home. 

But then Danny also knew that at this moment appropriate didn't really matter. What mattered right now was making sure Steve was okay, that he felt safe and secure.

Danny had always felt conflicted when Steve became emotional from the time they were partners to when they started dating and this time was no different. Mostly because he knew Steve never did, a part from perhaps sometimes to show anger. He always wanted to be tough and independent. Always wanted to show he was in control. 

At first he used to think that Steve simply didn’t trust him enough to let him in. But as he got to know him better he learned that was just the way Steve was, it wasn’t about trust he just didn’t know how to share and confide. He never expected people to help him, he thought he had to do everything on his own. 

As they became closer and started their relationship Danny worked on ridding him of that habit. But no matter how much Steve changed and no matter how open he became, a leopard never changes his spots and it played a huge role in the fiery end of their relationship. 

Right now he wanted Steve to trust him, he wanted him to talk but he was also afraid that he would and then Danny wouldn’t know what to do next. For the first time since he met Steve, he preferred that he kept his problems to himself or put his faith in someone else. The thought made him feel like dirt and he quickly pushed it away pulling Steve closer instead, guilt clawing at the edge of his conscience. Steve made a small contented noise in the back of his throat and raised his good arm slowly to Danny’s back. 

“Okay babe, let’s get started.”

Looking around he saw a bottle lying just outside the shower door that was still wide open, water spraying everywhere.

Danny ignored that –he could clean up water later- and instead leaned as far as he could. Instantly Steve’s hand was gripping him tighter than before. He could feel his fingernails digging through his shirt but he kept going, leaning forward until he managed to reach the bottle wrapping his fingers around it and pulling it towards him. 

He squinted at the label. It was vanilla scented bath gel not shampoo. He frowned at the bottle wondering why Steve would own such a thing when a realization hit him with blinding clarity. He felt a dizzying wave of anger directed at the man in his arms as he recognized exactly whom this bottle belonged to. 

“What’s wrong?” Steve looked up at Danny from where he was resting his head on his shoulder as if sensing the change in atmosphere around him. 

The wide-eyed expression and the goose bumps raised on Steve’s chilled bruised skin distracted Danny from the less than pleasant feelings towards the SEAL. He was getting cold and the last thing Danny wanted was for him to get sick, it would be hell for him with a bruised rib.

He inched them both forward until he could grab the faucet to turn it back on making sure he was holding Steve tightly enough that he wouldn’t slip. 

A blast of hot water hit him in the face and he spluttered, instinctively cupping a hand over Steve’s face so the water wouldn’t hit him. Steve had different thoughts though as he started struggling in his arms reaching up to bat Danny’s hand away from his face.

“Okay, okay. Settle down Steve.” Danny yelled as Steve’s flailing made keeping him upright a lot more difficult. 

Danny quickly turned Steve around so the water has hitting the back of his head instead of his face. Thankfully Steve seemed okay with that as Danny felt him relax.

He squeezed a decent amount of the gel onto his hand. The overly sweet scent of artificial vanilla filled the air immediately suffocating Danny with its connotations. He reached up to run his fingers and soap through Steve’s hair. The little moan of pain he gave satisfied Danny for one sickening fraction of a second before he quickly murmured an apology and gentled his movements. Steve’s hair was knotty and clumped with blood so he went as slowly and carefully as he could afraid to hurt him again.

He watched as the blood tinted water rushed down his fingers, down to the bottom of the shower, where it swirled a little before disappearing down the drain forever. 

Steve trailed the movement with his eyes as well, when the water was clear he turned his head squinting a little against the shower spray and smiling widely at Danny. It’s the happiest he’s seen him for a while and it immediately brings a genuine but tired smile to his face as he strokes Steve’s bruised cheek. 

“Tell me if anything hurts or if you want to stop, okay?” Danny instructs him gently as he soaps up a washcloth Steve hadn’t managed to toss out.

He slowly rubbed it against Steve’s skin careful and gentle trying to keep his movements as clinical and efficient as possible for both of their sakes. He heard Steve let out a cry every now then, whether it was from pain or frustration Danny couldn’t tell. Whenever he questioned him though Steve said it was okay and he never asked him to stop so Danny just kept going hoping to get him out of the shower soon before he caught a cold or fell down. 

Once the soap was washed off Danny turned the faucet off. When the water died he stepped out of the shower and guided Steve to follow. His legs shook with strain and Danny tried to stay calm wishing he could just pick him and get him out of the bathroom so he can lie down and Danny can stop worrying about possible broken bones. 

Steve leaned against the sink panting and shaking with exhaustion while Danny went in search of a towel. He turned his head to look at Steve who smiled at him when he caught his eye. Danny tried to return the sentiment even as his nerves fluttered with worry. 

Finally finding what he was looking for, he rushed towards Steve and wrapped the oversized towel around his shoulders leading him outside the bathroom.

He gently pushed on Steve’s shoulder to indicate he should sit on the edge of the bed while Danny found him some clothes.  
Steve’s ‘pajamas’ were just where Danny expected them to be, right side of the dresser second drawer down, where he always kept them. He pulled out a grey pair of shorts and a navy blue tank top with the SEALs insignia on the front and back.

He figured he would also want underwear. Not stopping to think about how he shouldn’t be going through Steve’s undergarments he pulled open the top drawer knowing he would find them there.

His mouth fell open as the drawer opened. He was right about the underwear, Steve’s boxer briefs’ color-coded and arranged from darker to lighter typical of his neurotic little Navy SEAL head what he hadn’t expected though was his grey Police Academy t-shirt to be mixed in with them. He hadn’t realized it was missing when he packed because it was mostly always on Steve’s side of the closet since he was the one to always wear it. 

He shook his head to clear the image of Steve curled in bed, Danny’s shirt loose around his shoulders but tight everywhere else and hardly reaching his hips. 

He quickly stuffed the shirt where he found it and grabbed a pair of navy blue boxers making his way to Steve.

“I’m cold.” He hinted apologetically when he spied the assortment of clothes Danny had picked.

“Okay, I’ll just grab something warmer for you.” He told him with a smile trying to reassure Steve that it was no trouble as he watched with worried grey eyes. 

He went back to the closet and picked out black sleep pants instead of the shorts and looked for something to replace the shirt. A smile came to his face when he pulled out a large light blue sweatshirt that was closer to Kamekona’s size than Steve’s, when he wore it would sag around him, the sleeves too long reaching all the way up to his fingertips and the bottom stopping mid thigh. Whenever Danny asked about it Steve would never answer only telling him that he just liked it with an enigmatic smile. He remembered pushing it up Steve’s body as he kissed his way up to his stomach, Steve’s high pitched giggles filling the air around them. 

He found himself surprised that he thought back to this particular memory with fondness rather than the bitterness that now enveloped most of his history with Steve.

“Is this better?” He asked when Steve was within sight.

Steve nodded at him, a soft smile on his face. He got up and reached out for his clothes.

“No, no, no, let me help you.” Danny hurried to say pushing on Steve’s shoulders again.

“You don’t have to.” Steve said softly.

“I know that Steve. I want to.” 

“I can do it.” He said unconvincingly eyes downcast, tone lacking his usual fervor. 

“I know you can, let me help you anyway?” 

“Okay.” He whispered, nodding his head. 

Danny helped Steve get dressed, pointedly insuring that his eyes were only on his feet or face depending on what he was helping him put on. He made sure that his ex-partner moved as little possible and only when he absolutely needed to. Despite Steve’s best efforts to hurt or overexert himself, Danny got him dressed and into bed with minimal fuss and no grunts of pain. 

Of course Steve wouldn’t be Steve if he just left things at that. Danny was pulling up the blanket to his chest -finally able to relax now that Steve was laying flat- when suddenly he found himself with his arms full of Steve who had his lips pressed to Danny’s. The kiss or attempted kiss anyway was sloppy and filled with pleading desperation, Danny gently pushed Steve off barley managing to keep the shock and impatience off his face as he swiped the back of his hand against his mouth in surprise. 

“Steve…”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just miss you, please don’t leave.” Steve interrupted before Danny could even formulate what he was about to say.

“Please don’t be angry.” He added at Danny’s silence.

“It’s okay.” He shook himself out of his daze, he really shouldn’t be all that surprised Steve’s clearly vulnerable and not himself. “I’m not angry, everything’s going to be okay.”

Steve looked doubtful but nodded hesitantly. 

“Get some sleep.”

“Can I have the pain killers first?” He asked quietly. “It hurts.” His hand came up to his head before rubbing it over his bruised rib. 

Danny looked at him in surprise, Steve never took his pain pills unless he was threatened let alone asked for them. He must be really hurting Danny thought as he winced in sympathy. He stole a glance at his watch and calculated the time since they left the hospital before shaking his head.

“I’m sorry babe, it’s not time yet.” He told him gently. “Soon though.”

Steve nodded as Danny moved to draw the curtains. 

“Where are you going? You said you weren’t angry and that everything’s okay. Why are you leaving?” Steve exclaimed at Danny’s back.

Danny turned around in astonishment. “Steve…”

“I said I was sorry. You said it was okay.” He whispered softly his tears running down his cheeks. 

“It is okay Steve. I’m just going to clean up.” He gestured to his soaking clothes. 

“You can borrow something of mine.” Steve offered quietly. 

Danny was just about to tell him that it’s okay and not to worry about it when he realized how stiff and uncomfortable his jeans were. 

“Okay. Thank you babe.” He smiled at him before he leaned down to kiss the top of his head. 

He grabbed a couple of towels from the bathroom wincing at the mess. It looked like a flood had hit. He’d need to clean it up soon in case Steve needed to use it. 

He quickly discarded his clothes in favor of a pair of sweatpants and a plain t-shirt from Steve’s closet. 

He went to ask Steve if he would like something to eat or drink before he went to bed and then he would head to the next room to get some sleep himself. 

“Will you stay with me?” Steve asked instead of answering. 

“I want you to get some rest Steve.” Danny told him, totally against what Steve was asking but not having the heart to him no straight out. 

“But can’t you just lay down here with me?” 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea babe.” He said tenderly. 

“Why not? Please Danno I’ll stay on my side of the bed, I swear.” He looked up at Danny hopefully. 

“Okay.” Danny sighed knowing he really should hold his ground but he knew that he would never refuse Steve anything when he looked like that, eyes to large for his face holding Danny’s with a pleading gaze. 

He edged on the bed beside him, careful to remain a safe distance away. He tried not to think about what Gabby would say if she found out what he was doing. A moment later though he found that he didn’t care what Gabby would say because the second he made himself comfortable Steve let out breath and visibly relaxed. Screw boundaries he thought to himself as he slowly reached towards Steve wrapping his arms around his shoulders and lifting his upper body to position his head on Danny’s chest. He then wrapped his arms around his torso and whispered to him to get some sleep. Steve shifted against Danny’s chest until his ear was on top of Danny’s heart. He looked up and smiled gratefully at Danny before letting his eyes dip close. 

Danny doesn’t know what happened next but he knows he was asleep while Steve was still awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always your feed back is always much appreciated.


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